Monday Again!

It has been so long since I have blogged...too long. My every moment has been full since arriving in Portland. I have been working, with family, and friends. I am loving the season and the time home before going back to KC. I have so much to be Thankful for and I wanted to make sure I did not let another Monday go by without sharing my multitude of thanks
81. A fancy day with my sisters, mom and oldest niece
82. Staying up until 1 watching Julie and Julia with my mom
83. Dad making breakfast for me...He always makes breakfast when I stay at the house..
84. Having a slumber party with my sister.
85. Decorating cookies with my family
86. A mom who speaks encouragement when I am stressed about money
87. Cooking...I love everything about the art of cooking
88. Baking...this is different trust me
89. Worshipping a God beyond compare
90. My dads awesome sermon on Sunday

TIME WASTER

I have been back to work for almost a week and I am battling the "time waste". What do I mean? Well, to be honest nannying is one of two things all the time. It is a totally easy with nothing to do or it is the most stressful situation in the world and makes you cry. This week is an easy one. I am thankful for that, but it makes it very easy to waste time. You see when the children nap I am left with little or nothing to do. This leaves me with a few options. 1. Watch TV 2. Stare into nothingness 3. Go online 4. read 5. spend time with God and read the bible..... Even though I want to say I always choose 4 or 5 I do not... I waste my time doing nothing... I cannot stand it!! Why is it that I do not take advantage of every moment??? I mean sure I am doing WAY better than before Missouri. If you read my last blog you can see that, but I still waste so much time.
The truth of the matter is old habits sneak up on you quickly. In Missouri TV was not an option, Internet froze all the time, and I had a prayer room down the street, but at home it is different. Yet, I know that God is my first love and choosing Him is what my heart longs for. In the end we all have a choice do we allow the old habits to take control or do we fight through the "time waste" and overcome them? I choose to overcome. I will not slip back into my old ways, because I see now what I have missed out on and I choose HIM. I encourage you battle through the time waste, it is always worth it.

Catching Up

It has been to long since I have blogged. After a few corks in my flight I made it to Portland for Thanksgiving. It has been an adjustment going back to work and life, but God has been faithful. He has shown up at every turn. I simply love Him.
Since I arrived home God has shown Himself so faithful to me. I have begun to understand what it is to set aside not just blocks of time for God, but moments for Him. At work I have been going on walks with the baby, putting in my IPOD and praying as we walk. Taking moments with God has been what has kept my heart in the right place. It is these small glances that keep us connected to the heart of God. I encourage you all to take any moment you find and give it to the Lord. You will be amazed at how much time you will be able to spend with Him.

Portland Here I Come!

My three months ends today. I am about to head out the door to our final Commission Class. It is impossible for me to put into words all God has done in my heart. I came here, because I knew it was what God wanted. I had no clue about the class, the people I would live with, or where anything was. Now I am leaving loving my class, the people and anticipating coming back in a month. God has been more than good to me.
In the last few months I have learned to let my guard down. I have learned to trust. Most importantly I have learned the love of God, even in my weakness. I am still changing and I still have a ways to go, but I am in process.
I believe that no matter where we are in live we can have a thriving relationship with God. We can become the people He created us to be and we can do it without strife. We simply have to trust Him. When we do we see that it is all worth it.
I know I am going home changed. I am going home more in love with my God than any other time in my life. I am ready. Thank you God....

A full Heart

I will be in Portland in 2.5 days. My week has been full of renewal meetings, prayer room time, friends, and my visiting family(dad and cousin). As I reflect on all that God has done this week I cannot being anything but grateful. He has dug deep into my heart to make more room for Himself. Old ways of thinking are being torn down layer by layer and I am becoming even more aware of how tenderly He deals with His kids. I love the Lord so much, my heart is so full! I feel so free to believe His good plans for my life. I feel so free to expect the very best. I finally see that His gifts are out of love and they will never disappoint.
81. Gods dealings
82. Tears...God created me to be tender and He has given that back to me.
83. Seeing God touch my dad and greg while they were hear.
84. Laughing so hard you cry. (dad and greg are out of control)
85. God knowing I needed someone to pray for me, even though I was to proud to ask.
86. Good gifts from heaven
87. A journal full of ups and downs
88. Peace
89. Videos of Elli "kissing" her doll
90. Talking to my 6yr old niece and knowing she has already planned a girls day for us

I love Multitude Monday

I cannot believe how much has changed in a weeks time. One thing I am so sure of is Gods perfect timing. He stretches us so that we will trust more and He always comes through. I have seen this time and time again. I have so much to praise God for.
66. His plans and purpose being revealed one step at a time
67. Supportive and amazing parents
68. Gods provision
69. A great time praying with new friends
70. Knowing God made me specifically the way He wanted me
71. Seeing young people free in the Lord
72. All God is doing in Missouri
73. The confidence to speak to God about everything and knowing He hears all my words
74. Freedom from past wounds
75. Cold crisp weather
76. Multitude Mondays, it always is an encouragement to me
77. Talking to Brian about service while he watches over the web
78. Listening to sermons from home
79. My daddy coming to see me and treat me like a queen. I love that guy.
80. Never settling.

Scars

Last night I was at church and I was just feeling down. I was not sure what it was, but there was a heaviness over me. I could not shake it. I asked a girl to pray for me and for the most part it lifted, but I could still sense it. Towards the end of the evening all my friends had gone home and I was sitting surrounded by people I did not know, I asked God to reveal the source of this rejection issue. I wanted to know why I was always feeling second best. Instantly a situation came into my mind where I was hurt by a friend (emotionally, we all know I am buff). I had never connected the two things, but this situation seriously altered my view of myself. I began to sob uncontrollably. I asked God to break it once and for all. As quickly as it came it lifted. The tears dried up and I was free.
Today I woke up feeling free in my heart. Free to trust and free to be myself. I felt worthy and not second class. Sometimes even when we forgive people the scars still cause pain. I know that when I had stitches on my leg the scar hurt for a good year afterwards. When it comes to matters of the heart we need God to come and touch our scars. He must touch those scars so that we do not base every situation on the one time pain. I know that He can do it. He did it for me. Ask him to show you the hidden scars that need healed, He will touch you!

Quick Blog

Quick Update: God is doing incredible things here at IHOP. I am so excited about all He has done even in me. I know that even though I love Him there has been walls up in my heart. I am afraid of being disappointed. God has broken those down this week. I have never been so full of joy in my life. I may not know fully what my life will be, but since taking the step of faith to move here God has been pouring over me. I believe so strongly in the goodness of God!! Even this morning I was reminded of a prophetic word I received years ago about God making my path smooth. He is! I encourage you to submit yourself to the Lordship of Christ, there is no better way to live! May the joy of the Lord find you!
Services at IHOP are free to watch online www.IHOP.org

Obey

For weeks I have been wrestling with what God wants me to do. Truth be told I am not big on leaving my comfort zone. I like things the same. I like living near family. I like going to church and seeing the same beautiful people. I like the routine of work. I like having a sense of whats next.
Being in Missouri has been the opposite of comfort. I came knowing only the Groves who are an hour away. I had to learn how to live just me and God. It was so difficult, but I knew God was preparing me. I knew the first time I came here I would end up here one day. I applied for Commission at the leading of God and I thought I would go and than return to comfort, but God has other plans for me. He knows that more than I love comfort I love to please Him. I want to live for Him no matter what that means. For this current season it means another leap of faith. It means returning home for the holidays only to come back. It means staying until God says move. It means making friends all over again. It means growing even more in my passion for God. He is faithful, He always has been. I am not affraid of being uncomfortable because I have seen the beauty it draws out.
So I am doing it.... I am going to move.... I am going to leap... I am going to obey...

It's Monday!!

This weekend I learned two important things. On Saturday I was feeling lonely, which lead to an awesome prayer time. I left that time knowing God was with me in every situation. On Saturday night and Sunday afternoon God blessed me with an amazing time with friends, new and old. I walked away from the weekend reassured in my heart of Gods tender heart towards me. I also learned that He is worth it everyday, whether good or bad. I have so much to be thankful for.
44. Friends new and old
45. My mom who has taught me the joy of serving God
46. Switch- I love that ministry so much and I know God has good things for it.
47. The tenderness of God
48. The joy of worship
49. Lunch with people from across the world
50. Going to a movie with the Groves
51. I am thankful God has kept me healthy this season
52. Text messages from my dad. It still cracks me up that he texts
53. God being so kind that He will take away anything that hinders our love
54. That fact that people come from around the world just to pray
55. Hope for tomorrow
56. Coffee
57. The encouragement of a true friend. Chrissy I love you:)
58. Fresh revelation on the book of James
59. The whole bible...even though reading through Leviticus is a little difficult it is cool to see how clear God makes things for the Children of Israel just so he can be near them.
60. Abby coming downstairs yesterday to tell me all about the zoo
61. My niece thinking I am the best seamstress in our family (wrong)
62. The freedom to worship in America
63. Letters in the mail from friends
64. Cereal- The worlds best snack
65. Gods guidance

Updates/Prayer

I am entering into the last few weeks of my time in Missouri. I cannot believe how quickly time has flown by. It has been so life changing and I know more is to come. As I approach the reality of going home I am left wondering what is next. I am not sure what God has for me. I know the things I am called to, but only God knows how and where they will come to pass. I have a heart for my home and I have a heart for here. Yet, I am not worried about tomorrow.
One thing I have learned very clearly in life is that when you honestly trust fully in God and submit to Him, He will guide you. Sure I may have no clue what next year will bring, but I do know God is guiding me. I know that when I get home I have the tools to flourish in God. I know that whatever God has me do this year it is going to be good. So in all the uncertainty I am smiling. I know God and He is good.
I am praying that in my remaining time here God will speak to me clearly two things.
1. What is it you want me to bring to Portland?
2. What is the next step?
I ask that if you read this blog you pray the same things for me. I believe with all my heart God will show me. Please comment anything I can pray for you about in my remaining time at IHOP.

For Who He Is

I was having a rough day, which happens from time to time. I was thinking about how I must find a place to live when I get home and I was sad. I do not like to make plans that only involve me. I don't like the reality that I am single sometimes. It is hard. It is lonely. I try to convince myself that it is really not that bad, but it never really works. I was looking around at target and it just hit me this overwhelming urge to speak to God, I needed to take care of this feeling before I was completely sad.
I went to my car, turned on worship music, laid the seat back and I began to pour my heart out before the one to understands. I used to struggle with feeling heard by God, but today I knew He heard every word and He cared. I prayed for breakthrough in my life. I prayed that I would remember He is always there and I am never alone. I prayed that He would cause my husband to come and I prayed that this season would finally come to an end. After some time I just sat and listened. I did not hear much, but I felt His comfort. I saw Him picking me up, wiping my tears, and telling me everything was going to be ok. I turned up the radio really loud and I began to sing in the spirit. Soon I began to sing my own song to the Lord.
"I don't want to focus on me, I want to focus on You. O Lord, God of mercy, faithful to the end..."
As I began to worship Him the loneliness that tried to beat me lifted. My circumstances did not visibly change, but my heart did. I see that the less I focus on me the more I have faith for the things God has promised me. I am only beginning to understand this truth, but I love the freedom it has given me. For the first time I can pour everything out before God, knowing He hears. I can say all I need to say and I can leave it with Him. When I have poured everything out I worship Him for who He is and He fills me with faith and hope. He is so good to me.
When you have a hard time tell God. Tell Him everything that is on your heart, He wants to hear. After you let everything out let Him pour back in. He is a God who never changes and His goodness is never ending. He is worth worshipping. Not for what He does, but for who He is.

A WOW DAY

There are days when God uses someone to communitacte so clearly what He is speaking all you can say is "wow".  That is what happend to me today in class.  Currently we are studying the book of James and how to become a end time messanger.  One of the keys to the book of James is the combining of faith and works.  We are living in a "do good" society.  It is trendy to help the poor and needy.  The word justice is tossed around in and out of the church.  As the church we are to be set apart from the world so how in the area of justice can we do that?
Today the teacher said something that answer the question of how.  He said, "When you feed the poor and it does not lead to the message of Jesus you are setting the stage for the anti-christ system."  When I first heard that I was shocked!  How could this be true?  He went on to explain that during the end times the anti christ will rise up to the cry of peace peace.  He will help the needy, do miracles, and being seemingly good.  He will do all this to proclaim himself as god.   If we are to be different faith and works must be hand in hand.  We must always "do good" with a message to back it up.  Everything should point to one man, Jesus Christ.  If we are truly going to address the world issues and start a revolution we must first awaken our faith and remember that it is not just works and it is not just faith, it is both that will change society.  It is both that the world needs in order to be saved.

Peace

One of my favorite shows is the Gilmore Girls. It is a show full of crazy people all living in the same small town. Tonight a clip from that show popped into my head that I want to share. In this particular show Luke (main dude) is talking to his well meaning, but nutty sister about life philosophy. His sister has recently decided that she is going to live by a new life motto "come what may." She goes onto explain that this means no matter what happens, "come what may" let it happen. If a bus is about to hit you let it hit you. Luke tries to explain to her why this is a bad idea, but to no avail. She continues on in her "come what may" thinking.
Often in my life I have a "come what may" thinking when it comes to relationships. Drama, fighting or disagreement starts and all the sudden my back bone disappears. I can no longer speak, I just want to agree so that what the drama can end. I want to keep the peace. I am a drama hating, "come what may," peace keeper. The problem with this is I don't serve a drama free, "come what may" God. He is quite the opposite.
God is so passionate about upholding righteousness He turns the tables in the temple, He calls Peter satan, He uses the term brood of vipers regularly. He has a serious back bone and He is not about being a peace keeper. He is a peace maker. Recently, we studied the B attitudes and one thing that resonated in my spirit was the difference between a peace maker and a peace keeper. A peace keep is someone who will to anything to stop the drama and make everyone happy. A peace maker is the person willing to search for the root of the issue, even when it stirs the pot, in order for peace to dwell.
In relationships we are given to options to be peace keepers or peace makers. We can tell people what they want to hear or what God needs them to hear. I am not saying go out and speak everything that is on your mind. That is just dumb. What I am saying is that if you want a life full of meaningful relationships you have to be willing to speak up from time to time and sharpen one another. You have to be willing do go through the ugly process of making peace rather than keeping peace.
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God."

Ode to Musicals

I love musicals. I love that people break into song in the middle of talking. I love that everyone knows how to sing and dance. I love that everyone knows the same songs. I just love that they seem so far from reality. In musicals you never have to wonder what people are feeling, because they sing it.
I love to sing. If it was not frowned upon I would break out in song while talking to people. I would sing to them everything that is on my mind. Unfortunately, life is not a musical. Life is talking and wondering what in the world people are thinking. Life with God on the other...
Life with God is my musical. It is the one time I am able to sing everything I am thinking, feeling and wanting to say. He sings over me and I sing to Him. He sings songs of love and I sing them back. We know the words to all the same songs. We have one heart. With God I can burst into a chorus and it makes Him smile. His songs always start with love. My songs have questions, but His are full of reassurance. Our musical is beautiful and I love it.

Monday monday

What a beautiful weekend. I spent the weekend with the Groves. I have known the Groves since I was 15ish and they are family through and through. This week I was missing my family a lot so I decided to go visit the Groves. We have a weekend full of bonfires, sleeping late, monoploy, a walk in the woods, and laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. It was a beautiful. I am glad to be back in Kansas City and I am ready to go to the prayer room this afternoon, but first my multitude of thanks!

33. Family- whether blood related or not

34. My bro-in-laws. They are so nice. They call to check in and I love them

35. Weekends off that include God.

36. The beauty of Gods faithfulness

37. Talking to my friend Rachel as if nothing in life has changed since we met 8 years ago.

38. Taking a walk in the woods and enjoying Gods creation

39. The sunshining through my window

40. Worship music

41. TrueLife

42. beauty of God

43. I am so thankful that today we are going to begin our study on the book of James

Auntie

Being an auntie is one of the highlights of my life. When my nephew was born I became an auntie for the first time. Soon following his arrival my oldest niece joined the family, I knew it was the way God intended. They crack me up more than anyone. As an auntie I spoil them and than send them home. They still don't think I am ever serious. In February I was made an auntie again and I was thrilled. To see the joy in your sisters face is worth more than words.
One thing I love about being an auntie are those rare moments you get to be apart of a first. My nephew gave me my first(and only) hickey at six weeks. He was the first baby boy in our family. I was able to see a lot of firsts with him. My oldest niece came around later so I missed her firsts until this summer when I pulled out her first tooth. She was so brave and we got it out in no time. She may never let me near her face again, but that is ok. Yesterday, my baby niece clapped for the first time while I was on skype. It was a little treasure to my heart to see her chubby little hands finally master the art of clapping. She was so proud of herself. As an auntie I don't get to be apart of every moment, but God saves a little treasure here and there just for me.

quiet

For many years I was shy. I was unable to talk when I felt uncomfortable in any way. I am no longer that shy, but one thing has stuck from all those years of quiet, sometimes I have nothing to say. I have quiet days. I have days where all I really want to do is listen. I just have days where my words are few. These days don't come often, but here and there they hit me. It is not quiet due to sadness or self reflection it is just a listening day.
Today I am quiet. I have few words, but my heart is overflowing. Today I sit and I listen as I read the word. I sit and wait to hear the voice of God, the one I love. I sit and stare into His eyes waiting to hear the faintest whisper. I don't need to say anything, my heart speaks volumes over any words I could produce. He has captured me and all I want to do is hear. Some days I want to shout of His goodness, but today I want to sit and listen.
I am thankful for my quiet day. I am thankful that in the silence I can hear God's voice. I am pouring all I have out He hears me. When I am talking a mile a minute he listens. Today I quiet my spirit that He may pour out His heart. Take a quiet day. Just listen. Listen to the voice of the one you love, He has much to tell you.

Resting

The last few nights I have not been able to fall asleep. I have been going to bed at a normal time and than lying there awake...thinking. I think about my life now and what my life looks like. In the past I have been a worrier, I still am at times, but God is teaching me how to rest in Him.
Yesterday I was lying there reading and God revealed a little nugget if truth to me in a book. In the book The Shulamite's Cry, the author was talking about how David learned to rest in God. Psalm 131:1 says, "Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor things to profound for me." As I kept reading about resting in God I understood finally what it meant. It meant I could take every dream, desire, and thought before God talk to Him about it and leave it there. I can rest in knowing that He knows me better than I know myself, He knows my needs before I do and He loves to listen to me. He longs for me to trust Him and the more I give Him the more I am free. So as I lay in bed, with thoughts crossing my mind, I have begun to surrender them one by one. Even if it seems small and fleeting God can have it. In Him I have found rest and perfect peace.

One Month

Today real life came knocking. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I was avoiding it. I am in a place with only Jesus. I have few friends, no job, and little family (Groves are here) in Missouri, nothing to keep me from investing every spare moment I can find into my relationship with Jesus.

Today I received an email from work at home. A reminder that real life it a month away. At first I wanted to cry. I my heart has been changed while I have been here. I feel as though I have met Jesus for the first time. He has become more real to me than any other season of my life and the thought of other things coming between us makes me so sad. As I walked to class on this beautiful fall morning the sadness faded. I was reminded of how much of what God has done in me has made me long for home.

I want to tell everyone how enjoyable serving God is. I want to be a driving force in the awakening of prayer in Portland. I want to see Switch grow with 65 new souls. I want to watch my family grow closer as we challenge one another to pursue the Lord a little deeper. I want to see the families I nanny for come to know the God I love and give my life for. I want to show others that it is possible to make Jesus first in all things. I want to live this life of prayer in the midst of everyday things. That is my desire.

Thankful
12. a vision for home
13. The anticipation of Chrissy and I opening our journals and sharing the intimate parts of our hearts over a great cup of coffee
14. Dancing with the Lord when it is just He and I.
15. makeup time with Maudi, who is convinced that we must be twins at all times.
16. The goodness of God in every season of life
17. Faith for promises I have yet to see fulfilled
18. Elliana showing her awesome raspberry skills over skype
19. Malachi's tender heart
20. Singing to the Lord from my heart.
21. Serving a Joyful Righteous King
22. The ability to dream
23. Knowing that not a single prayer I pray falls to the ground
24. Memories of my Grandpa waking up everyday with a song on his lips.
25. The Harms- they have welcomed me into there family while here is Missouri
26. Family in God
27. Knowing that God has a heart of restoration
28. Complete freedom from the past
29. Not feeling trapped in shyness every time I leave the house
30. My Daddy coming to see me and drive my car home. I love being the baby.
31. Family dinner-I never thought I would miss them so much.
32. The Gospels. They have come alive!!

Faith

For a while I have been wanting to think of a creative way to make a statement of faith to God. He has given me so many promises in life that I want to see come to pass, but even more He wants to see them come to pass. I am beginning to realize the best thing I can do is embrace the mystery of God, stop trying to figure out how or when and just believe. I wanted something to show that there has been a mark on my heart in the area of faith. I wanted a reminder that when I pray over the promises He has given me and pray according to His will it is a YES!

Last night as i was about to go to sleep I realized what I needed a faith journal. Not a journal full of thoughts, but full of promises. I wanted it to be full of verses on faith and prayers of faith.

My mom gave me a journal when she was here and now it has been deemed my "faith journal". I have only just begun, but the first page is full of verses and than each page after that starts with By Faith.... I have a page for everyone in my family, myself, my future spouse, my future kids, salvation, church and there are more pages to come. I have so much more to do, but I love that this little faith journal can be a testament to me that GOD has heard, HE has answered, and in time I will see how it comes to pass.

Meditate

At commission we have been talking a lot about how in order to have sustaining prayer, you must have enjoyable prayer. This has been hitting so hard to me because prayer has often been a struggle. It is not that I do not love God, but somehow long periods of praying seem difficult. Well, we have talked a lot about different things to do in time of prayer and one of those is mediation on the word.
Meditation on the word has always seems like a far off idea to me. I thought it meant you sit down and think, after that five seconds was over than what??? Our wonderful teacher Ian gave us some things to help us meditate on the word that I want to pass on to you.
1. Pick a verse that reveals Gods heart for you or that really speaks to you.
2. Take a piece of paper and make three sections. One large section to write out your prayer, a side section to write future studies that come to you while meditating, one section to recognize distractions (this is so you can address distractions without having to loose focus)
3. With your verse you will read it, write out what He says to you through it, sing it, say it OUT LOUD, and think about it.
Here is an example verse from today
Ps. 36:7 "How precious is you lovingkindness, O God, Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wing."
My writing : Your lovingkindness is better than life. When I am in the safety of your love I have nothing to fear. I love you, because You first loved me. Your love is precious, it is sweet.
Think: God gave me a picture. I was at the beach and as I getting out of the water and it was sticky and I needed to rinse off the salt water. If i did not rinse off I would have a film on my skin. Spiritually we have a film on our inner man from living in this world and we must constantly be washed in His lovingkindness.
Try all the steps for yourself. I did this for 25min today and it seemed so short. It really does make a difference.

Thankful...

It has been a full weekend. My heart is overwhelmed by how good God is to me. I have had a very good life, yet I still struggle with Gods love for me. I wonder how such a God could love me. After all what have I done? The truth being I have done nothing to earn His love, He just wants me to have it.
Over the weekend God poured His love over me by the bucket. I could not escape it. It was His subtle reminder that He is never going to leave me, betray me, and He will always care. I carry scars from wounds others have caused and wounds I have self inflicted. I am still tender in many areas due to these wounds, but God gently touches each one with His healing love. He does not rush past any, He takes His time until one by one the scars begin to fade. He knows the deepest parts of me and He loves me. I am so glad I serve such a good God.
I would like to start writing the things I am thankful for like my awesome mom so here goes...
1. The tender love of God
2. being in Missouri for this season of my life
3. My Mom. She inspires me everyday.
4. My Dad. No matter how old I get I know he will do anything for me.
5. Facebook. I love being able to see pictures of my baby niece as she is growing and changing
6. God never giving up on me
7. My quilt from grandma stewart
8. A warm cup of tea before bed
9. The leaves changing
10. My sisters. We are all very different and I love it.
11. My Bible. I grow to love it more everyday.

Snacks and Steaks...Mmmmm

I love snacks. I really would rather snack all day than eat a meal. Snacks are great, because you get to eat small protions things you like all day. With meal you have to sit down and eat. You have to figure out what you want, cook it, eat and than clean up. It is a whole to do. With snacks you can just munch. Mmmmm snacks.
Even though I have a genuine love for snacks, I also have a genuine love for steak. If you put a big fat juicy steak in front of me I can out eat almost anyone ( I am serious). When it some to steak I am willing to put in the effort for a good meal.
Now lets make this practical. I have spent the majority of my Christian life in snack mode. I snack on the word. I snack on prayer. I snack on worship. I take a little of this and a little of that whenever I have the time. It is not that I do not love the word or the things of God, I am just not a meal girl.
In the past few weeks I have been feasting on the things of God. My whole life has been surrounded with prayer, worship, and hours in the word. It has been a big fat juicy steak from Heaven. Since I have been feasting i have been growing. The lie that snacking give you is that you are full, but you normally don't have the nutrition needed to grow. I believe for proper growth we must come to a balance. We need snacks and steaks. It is never a bad thing to have a taste of the word whenever you can, but don't let that supplement your big fat feast. In order for growth you need time daily of really diving in the word, figuring out what it is saying, meditating, chewing on it. DO NOT NEGLECT MEAL TIME. Sure have a snack as you run out the door, but set aside time for a daily feast with God.
Now I am very hungry.

My most recent thoughts...

My whole life I have had a plan. I knew when I wanted to get married, have kids, write a book, and when I would be in full time ministry. I had everything figured out. I thought that since my desires where good they would happen when I wanted, but I never asked God what His idea for me was. I have had many disappointments, due to my lack of asking God his intentions for me.

Looking from the outside, I have nothing the world would call successful, but I have the best life. I am only able to say that, because for the first time I get it! I have had a wrong perception of greatness. I view greatness as all my prayers being answered and having huge kingdom impact. Gods definition is someone who seeks Him alone, even in the good, bad, really really bad, and horrible.

We are meant to live a life seeking intimacy and passion for Jesus. When we are seeking these things, everything else fades from our focus. I am not saying your desires go away, mine haven't, but your opinion of God is not based on when or if they happen. When you seek God alone, you find the freedom of love and trust. You begin to understand that He will not love you more if you speak to 1000 people or 2 people. He just wants your heart to be for Him, not what He can use you to do.

I believe we are meant to ask for the fulfillment of dreams and promises, but not at the cost of knowing who we serve. If you do not know who God is and ALL His thoughts towards you, than what good is a big ministry or the "perfect" life? If we truly are living for what is to come in eternity, than shouldn't our focus be on the one we will fellowship with for eternity?

My opinion is it is time to stop having a "me" focused Christianity. It is not about what you do, it is about Him. This is a basic truth that we all have the head knowledge of, yet we still waste our lives seeking selfish ambition. So lets change. Instead of praying " God, will you use me to do this? Will you give me this?" Lets pray, "God, I want to know your heart, your desire, your passion for my city, your passion for me. Let me love You more." I challenge you to change your approach and let God be the one who defines your life.

Psalm 18

Psalm 18:29-36
"For by you I can run against a troop, by my god I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way IS perfect; The word of the Lord IS proven; He IS a shield to those who trust in Him. For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, He sets me on high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have also give me the shield of Your salvation, Your right hand has held me up, YOUR GENTLENESS HAS MADE ME GREAT. You enlarged my path under me, so my feet did not slip."

All I am saying is that the Bible is amazing. Amen amen amen. I love the word of God. It is just so good. If you want to hear God open His word. Good stuff.

Make Lemonade

I am 26 and single. Yes, it is true. I am not married, not even dating. I have not dated much in my life to be honest. To say that I am thrilled with my single status all the time would be a huge lie. Some days I go home and realize it is just me and cry. There are even times when I ask God "Why?" I see others getting married and I wonder why I must wait. I go to multi-church events and see girls I went to college with who are married and have kids and I wonder what is wrong with me. Yep, I have pity party's sometimes.
God has placed me in a season of singleness and it is not always fun. It is painful at times, but this is my season. One thing I have learned in the past year is to embrace where I am. I am not married (yet) and I am not dating (yet), but I am NOT alone either. Being single has given me a chance to know God on a level few do, He has become the companion I share life with. I tell Him everything, because majority of the time its just us.
I have come to realize that it is best to not question the season, but live in the season and find the good in the season. We all face seasons in life that we do not understand, or even want. He allows us to go through tough times, so that we will grow and learn to draw to Him. If we can embrace Him in the hard times, than we will rejoice with Him in seasons of joy.
Yes, I am 26 and single, but I am growing in God and I am thankful for all He has done in me during this time. What season are you in? Is the season defining you or is God?

Straight From My Journal... YIKES!

Today I wanted to share a prayer from my journal. It is a prayer from my heart to Jesus. I am sharing this, because even as I read it I can see the battle of knowing who I really am. The more I am with God the more I see what He sees. My prayer is that I stay in a place of honesty before the Lord. I have doubts, but He doesn't. When I speak to Him, He reaffirms who I really am.

Jesus.
I see all these worshipers, all these moving in your anointing, it is overwhelming. I think," Who am I?" I know You love me as I am and I know You can use me. Even if I sing only to You my life will be pure greatness. I long to do great things, but more I long to please You. I desire to bring glory to Your name. I don't care what my mind says, my heart KNOWS I am Yours. My songs are Yours, my words are Yours, my steps are Yours. It is satisfying to my soul to know I am Yours. When you look at me my spirit leaps screaming, "Do you see Him? He is mine and I am His! Isn't it Wonderful?" When my mind tries to doubt let me remember what You have said to me." You say, " I am Yours."
Your Love,
Katie

These are a few of my favorite things

As I walked to the prayer room today I thought about how much I love the fall. I began to smile as I thought of my favorite things to do in the fall. I am going to share those things with you now and I recommend giving each a try.

Walking in the rain

Picking out the perfect pumpkin

Decorating the whole house with fall colors

Going to the corn maze and getting so muddy you can no longer see your jeans

Tea, a good book, and my grandma quilt's

The smell of cinnamon and cidar

Watching Gilmore Girls (tradition started with roommates)

A nice puddle jump (once in awhile it is good to jump in a puddle and feel like a kid)

Pumpkin spice lattes, waffles, and coffee cake

Baking pies for Thanksgiving

The changing colors of the tree's

A walk around glendoveer

A corny movie with my friends when it is raining to hard to go out.

Yep, I like all of these things about fall. What are your favorite things about the season?

In the absence of grandma coffee

I am having one of those moments where I feel like I have so much to say and I have no clue where to start. I hate that feeling! If I was at home my friend Chrissy and I would go to our favorite grandma coffee shop and I will spill my hearts content over a small coffee and cinnamon roll, but I am in Missouri so I must blog.
This week has been another growing experience. It was the last week for all those who came to IHOP Commission for a month (my pal Elissa) and so we talked a lot about what are fears were leaving. I really thought about this question. What was a afraid of most? I knew immidiatly it was that I was not enough for God, that I was not doing enough to please Him. After these thoughts came to me the teacher said this exact thing was his fear. I was in such shock! He started to talk about how this was one thing he had to really attack in prayer and I knew it was the same for me. In that moment I began to pray that God would speak to me and that I would not be bound by this fear.
Later on in the week I was driving to dinner with my mom (my parents were in town) and we started to talk about what has been happening in me while I was here. I shared with her this fear of not being enough and how I knew God was beginning to set me free. I don't know when it crept into my life, but I knew I did not want it to define me any longer. On Friday I went to IHOP to receive prayer/prophecy and they began to talk about how I was a delight to GOD and I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing or moving at the right speed, but that HE saw me, saw my progress and was happy. I felt in that moment a huge weight lift from me. He heard me. He knew I needed that nudge of saying "You're doing good, I am happy with you."
Isn't it just like God to bring an issue of wrong thinking to light and than give us the grace and encouragement to deal with it. I know many times in my life I search for what I am doing wrong in effort to fix myself, but it never works. Recently I have simply been loving God and letting Him love me and He is changing me in His timing and in His way. It is still painful to be stretched and broken, but when God does it you know it will be lasting change.

Tis the Season

I love fall. I love rain and leaves changing colors. I love cuddling in a blanket drinking tea and reading. I love walks right after a good Portland rain, the air smells sweet. The thing I love most about fall is that it means the holidays are coming! Holidays in my family are full of tradition. Not the traditions of others, but ones that are just ours. Examples: The day after Thanksgiving parade, where me and mom dance until my dad is so embarrassed he walks away. Watching Christmas movies, Holiday Inn always makes Jody mad. I love that on Christmas eve we don't eat a meal, we all just pick our favorite snacks and munch.
Christmas has stockings, southern breakfast, the blessing (my dad does this our fam). We also have gifts, but no names are on them, we each have our own wrapping only to be revealed on Christmas, and only one person can open at a time. As you can imagine the gift portion takes awhile. This is followed by a huge lamb dinner. The thing I love most about the holidays is hanging out with my family. We see eachother all the time, but when it just seems like the Holidays remind you to be thankful for them. Yes, I love the holidays. Awh...fall...

So Far...

My life is changing. If you have been reading my blog you will be able to see that it has become different. That is because I came to Missouri desperately seeking to know the God I serve. I don't ever want my walk to be a ritual. I want to have a relationship of passion. Since I have been away it is as if my spirit has come alive. For the first time I understand how wonderful searching the scripture is. I am catching small glimpses of Gods beauty and love. I am finding confidence in His love and in His desire for me. My prayer is that I never forget how simple loving God is. I want to go home with this love so deep in my heart, I want it to be the driving force of my life. I want to be able to share with others the simplicity of letting God love you. I know that I am richly blessed to be here and I pray that I am able to bring this back to others. If you are in a place of ritual or routine let God love you. Begin to proclaim His love over your life. It may take time, but soon it will penetrate your heart. Sing His love over you. It will change your life.

Love

It is as if I am meeting You for the first time. I have known you all my life, but it is my heart that longs deeply for You now. How could I have not seen Your tenderness towards me? You have been cheering me on all along. You have loved me even in my darkest state. Even when I was running from You, Your love was for me. Your eyes have always been on me. When I was in my lowest state, You loved me, You liked me, You wanted me. I see a glimpse of Your love now. When we are talking I feel all I can say is " I love you too." Those words are so small, but You are ravished by them. Let me not forget this love so sweet. Let me always live with my eye's locked on You.
"Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved and this is my friend..." Song of Solomon 5:16

Delight

I am a delight to God. I am a delight to Him with all my flaws, insecurities, sins, imperfections, and wrong concepts. I am such a delight to Him that He sings songs of love to me. I am His cherished treasure. I am more than people see in me. I am the bride of a holy and righteous King. He delights in me when I am walking tall and when I am falling down. There is nothing I could do, say, act, or be to make Him love me more. He loves me in full perfection where I am right now. He sings over me the most beautiful song. He sings, "I enjoy you the way that you are, where you are. I love who you are. The mistakes that you've made, the disappointments and pain; I AM washing way." Our song is one of mercy and grace. His love is not conditioned on me. I am flawed and He is aware and when I let Him close He washes the flaws away with His tender touch. He washes me with words so sweet. No man will ever love me as He does. His gaze is set on me. In all I do He is watching. He does judge my actions, but He deals with me so tenderly. His touch is gentle and kind. He knows me. Yes, I am a delight to God. I am the love of His heart. This is me. This is who I am, what I am, and what I am becoming.
God is changing my life. He can change yours too. Let Him speak His love over you.

Coffee

Coffee! I love it and I hate it. Coffee is my one true addiction. I need it. At least that is how I live my life. I wake up, I make coffee, I shower, I drink coffee. I mean I love coffee. I will drink it with creamer or without, sweet or not. I just really need my daily coffee. My issue with coffee is that it is a cruel friend. When I neglect coffee it beats me up with a huge head ache. It is down right mean. My solution to this is to never go a day without it.
The problem is I want to be a person who can fast. I had a very hard time fasting and I have been very convicted about this, so I thought what is one huge thing that keeps me from fasting? Coffee. I can't stand having head aches. I don't get them often so I have no tolerance. When I skip meals I often get a little head ache and no coffee to that and my life is basically over. That is why I am breaking up with coffee. We have been best friends for a very long time, but it is time to say goodbye. We can hang out once in awhile, but not daily. You have been lovely, but it must end. And so day number 1 with no coffee begins.

Money...ugh

I am not a huge fan of money. Money is something I always need and is the main area I struggle to trust in. I have never really lacked anything and God has always provided, but for some reason I still have a hard time. When I decided to come to Missouri, I knew that God would have to provide the money. I knew that I wanted to be debt free and not in place of constant fret while here. I began to pray and at moments I was full of faith, in others I was full of worry. In March I was able to pay my car off and get out of debt, this was huge for me and a sign that God was working everything out. I worked every hour that I could work and I continued to pray about God giving me the money for the three months I would be gone.
Two weeks before leaving I was $1000.00 short of what I needed. I went to work that day to give my boss the money I had made by selling stuff for her, hoping she would give me half, she did. In one afternoon I went from being $1000.00 to $200.00 short, plus travel money. Well, I just kept getting blessed at work. I received two large bonuses within days and I had all the savings I needed. Three days before I left God used two separate couples in my church to provide the travel money I needed. I cried the entire way home that night. I knew this was a sign to me that God wanted me to go and that He would always provide for me. I learned through all of this that if I trust God and submit to walking in faith He will see me through. I just need to keep His faithfulness in front of me instead of fear.
As I look at going home I have a very different outlook. I need about $650.00, to ship my car, and I know that is a small number to God. He has been so faithful why would I ever want to doubt him? I encourage you to look at all the moments God has provided for you, keep them in front of you and always be thankful.

The bugs are back in town

I woke up when I was suppose to be leaving the house this morning, which happens more often than it should, so I was in a mad rush to get ready. I take a quick shower, hop out and am about to brush my teeth when I see it...a bug of DOOM. I try to remind myself that this bug will not hurt me and go to get dressed. After a minute of two I head back to the bathroom to put makeup on and do my hair when I see the biggest nastiest bug of all time. We are taking horror flick kind of bug. This sucker is huge! I jump back a little, my heart is beating and I run and grab the broom (see previous bug blog). I start my sneaky approach, hit the broom down and it LEAPS at me. I freak out, run away and than whack at it again and again it leaps at me. Now it is out of the bathroom, so I figure it is best to finish up. With one eye on the bug and one on the task at hand I spot another bug. This one it sitting by the sink and I leave it, figuring it is best to not start another war I don't have time to finish. Only now I am standing about 6 feet away from the sink trying to get ready (very difficult). I put my makeup on and it the mirror I see another bug in the shower. I am freaking out now and I run out of the bathroom, refusing to ever enter it again. I climb over my bed, because of the first bug I do not want to touch the floor, and grab my bag and off I go. I give the place over to the bugs. These giant, leaping, man eating bugs can have the place.... I come home later and they are spraying for bugs in my room, I am so grateful. In my mind I think, "You may have one this morning, but who's laughing now."

I miss my mom

I am sitting downstairs of my house(in Missouri) and someone is playing the piano upstairs. They are playing old old songs I grew up hearing in church. Songs that I would listen to my dad sing over and over. It makes me think of how truly blessed I am. My parents have given me so much spiritual heritage, so much love and have never turned there backs on me.
As a child I had a wonderful mom who taught me how to pray and love the word of God. I had a dad who taught me how to worship with your whole heart and that its to not be perfect. As an adult I have two parents I could go to for anything and about anything. They support me as I find my own way with God and what His plans are for me. They encourage me to seek HIS very best at all times and to never settle. They have even at times watched me fall on my face, but they let me know it would be ok and I would come out on top.
Yes, my parents are flawed. They, like all parents, made mistakes while raising us. I am sure they have list of "if I could do this over..." But God used them despite the flaws to raise my sisters and I to love God, to love His word, and to live always for Him. For that I am very grateful.
So mom and dad...thanks... I love you
Katie Marie

Friends

Friends are a funny thing. Some come into your life for a season, some for life, some are fun friends that you just hang with, some are encourager's, others are who you turn to in crisis and on a rare occasion you meet a friend that is all of the above. In my life I have had many different kinds of friends and to be honest I have had some really bad friends. Friends that seem to suck the life out of you rather than give it, but God has used those friendships to teach me how to love deeply, whether of not you are loved in return.
At home I am very blessed with an amazing family, my mom and my sisters are my best friends in the world and I could tell them anything. I also have three great friends, whom I love very much. Chrissy and Maria and my friend Rachel in Brazil, whom I talked to today.... the list goes on and on.... I am blessed. Unfortunately, I could not bring any of them to Missouri with me, so I had no one. On the first day of commission I met a wonderful girl named Ellisa. She and I clicked. In fact we clicked so well people have asked in we are related, if we came together, and how long we've been friends, I have known her less than a week. I believe that God has given her to me and me to her as a gift. It is rare you meet someone that you are so comfortable with that you feel like you've know them forever, but that is what we have. I am so grateful to know her and I hope our friendship continues to grow.
No matter what comes from a friendship, whether it be good or bad, love the way God does, forgive the way HE does, and speak truth the way HE would.
PROVERBS 17:17,PROVERBS 27:6

Killer Bugs

In Missouri I have discovered a whole new world of bugs that I never knew about. They have cicada's, which are loud day and night, tons of crickets and just nasty bugs. Well, the other morning I was getting ready to leave the house and there was a huge bug in my room. I am not talking kinda big here, it was HUGE!!! I have to sneak up on it and kill it with broom...only it did not die at first it lived through the first few blows and tried to escape, but I caught it. Tonight I was on the phone and a bunch of these same bugs were in the garage... I think they was revenge! Yikes!!! So if I get eaten by bugs...Jenn and Steph- you can share my car, because it is the only thing I have that is worth anything....

From the ends of the earth

Today I went out to lunch with a very large group from the Commission program. I sat at a table with a couple from Jamaica, a woman from Hong Kong, a woman from Canada, a woman from California who is moving to Israel, and myself from Oregon. As we sat together sharing our stories of how we ended up in Kansas City, what God had down to bring us there, I was in awe. All of us from different places, in different seasons of life, yet we all had the yerning to set aside a season to prayer and focus on the Lord. I wanted to cry at the wonder of Gods hand. I sat there knowing these are the very people I will spend eternity with and it is such an honor. I am just awe struck by Gods greatness at this moment. Wow. That is all I can say.

Test it out

Well, after I was at the prayer room for awhile today I became very curious about this dancing business. I know that people danced before the Lord, and I know people still do today. I have just always viewed it as strange. Today when I was watching people it did not seem so strange it seemed freeing. That is when I decided to test it out for myself. So I went home (trust me when I say I should never dance in public) to give it a try. I felt so awkward as I turned off the lights in my room and turned on a worship song, but I close my eyes and started to sway. Than I pictured myself holding the hand of God, us dancing together and I finally forgot about it being weird. It was a beautiful personal moment of dancing with God. I felt so free. I am not saying that I want to dance in front of people, or that I don't still find it odd at times, but I do see that when done in the right heart it can be beautiful.

My Thoughts (a more serious side)

I have been a Christian the majority of my life. I would like to say I have some understanding of who God is and what His word teaches. Today I realized how little understanding I do have. I do not say that in a condemning way, I am just beginning to understand how much more He is.
I was in the prayer room (IHOP) today and I had a God moment. I was standing there singing “break the chains the hinder me, the chains of yesteryear” and I realized how bound I was. I heard God so clearly say, “Katie, if you will let me break the chains of who you think I am I will set you free.” I began to cry, because I have never known the true beauty of God in my expression of love to Him. I sat back and watched as people danced (a difficult concept for me), sang, lifted hands, cried out in pain, sat in wonder… All to the same God for the same purpose of expressing there feelings to a God who hears. I even watched as a disabled man danced from his wheel chair in worship. I knew in that moment, that God had given that freedom of expression in singing, I just choose to hold back a lot of the time.
I began to think how beautiful the church of God would be if we embraced the liberty and freedom of God, in our expression to Him, as well as in our understanding of Him. How great would it be if we would simply lay aside our idea’s of who we think He is or how we think He would respond and truly seek Him out?
I am not saying we should have chaos in the church, I am saying we should have freedom in the church. We respect one another, yet we seek true freedom and understanding. My challenge for my own life is to get to know God for who He is… To worship Him, not in the confines of my understanding, but in the liberty of His love. So join me on my search and allow yourself to let go of all you think you know and find out who He is.

Back to School

Today was my first day of the Commission Classes here in KC. I will admit that I was very nervous about going, so I got up early to pray about the day. God was so faithful, because today I had no issue with shyness. I was able to small talk with people and I even made it upstairs in my house. I also made it to the store. All in all today was a day of small victories.
Something I learned today was to take time to meditate on what God is trying to show you in His word. Don't only dwell on the concepts you understand, because you will not get a full picture of who He is. Allow Him to reveal new truths to you in His word and be willing to wrestle your way through them. This may seem basic, but how often do we read the same verses or the same chapters in the bible, because it is what we know? How often do we avoid books because they are hard to understand? Think about it. Are you avoiding a new and great revelation God could be wanting to show you?

Melt Down

Today seemed as though it was going to be uneventful. Woke up and Maria and I headed to the prayer room. Spent some quality time there. Ran to target, went back to the house to get Maria's stuff, back to the prayer room, back to the house to get stuff Maria forgot, and off to the airport. I made sure Maria got checked in said goodbye and headed back to the prayer room. At about 6 I decided it was a good idea to get some grocery's. I plugged in my GPS to get directions to the nearest Wal-Mart and I am on my way. I am thrilled to see it is only found miles from the house... until I pull up to a big empty building. No big deal I can just find another store. GPS gives me another "grocery store" nope this one is closed too. Try to find one that looks decent and realize I don't even know the names of grocery stores down here. So I pick one at random and drive. This one is a mile from my house and...closed... in fact this one has been closed for like a million years because it is a neighborhood and there are no stores to be seen. This is when the melt down occurs. I start to cry. I do not know what to do or where to go and I have no one to ask... I, being the mature adult that I am, turn around head home and decide that today is not a day for grocery's. I will try again another day...maybe.

Mom Jeans

I am from the generation of low rise jeans. They really are a beautiful thing, unless you have muffin tops. Recently I came to a conclusion that it was time to buy jeans that are made for a 26yr old and not a 16yr old. This means not being caught up on the rise of the jeans, but the way the jeans make me look (hiding the muffin tops). So I bought jeans with a higher waste. I call them mom jeans. They sit right below my belly button and look really great. My issue is that I am used to low rise jeans and so all day I have felt like there is something wrong with my pants. I don't love this feeling. I keep wanting to pull them down to my hips, giving me back my muffin tops. I tell ya, getting used to 26yr old pants in hard work. So for now I am not buying any more mom jeans, I will keep my muffin tops.

Update On My Foot

I left this info out of my last blog and I am sure you are all dying to hear about my broken toe. To recap it was the scond day of our journey and I was getting a laptop out of the car and it attacked me and broke my toe. Well, the first two days were rough I was not really able to put much pressure on it without some serious pain and I am talkin' serious hurt. Now I can walk on it for the most part, but it is colors that no foot should ever be. I am very relieved that I can walk fairly normal, seeing as I am about to start an intership I do not want people thinking I walk with a limp all the time and I don't want anyone to ask "what happened" and have to tell them "my foot broke a laptops fall." So all is well with the foot. Except for the color

Made It

Well, we finally made it to Missouri. The last leg of our trip was uneventful, due to exaustion and wanting to be anywhere but the car. We were delirious so everything was funny. After a wonderful night of staying with some family friends we came to my new place. I am living with a very kind family that I do not know. It is hard, because I know I should get to know them, but I feel so shy. I hate the feeling of wanting to be brave and not knowing how. I have walked half way up the stairs and back down about fifteen times now. I have no reason to be intimidated, but I am. Ugh. I am believing that soon I will be bold and this will not be an issue. Until that moment comes I will keep walking up the stairs and eventually have courage enough to stay up there and talk to them.

Rough Day On The Road

It is day number 2 of the great drive to Missouri. After a long overnight drive we decided to sleep a little late (7:30) and only drive to Cheyenne. Now keep in mind Cheyenne is still nearly 500 miles and majority of that is through the mountains. Everything along the way looks exactly the same, dry and Mountainish.

In the beginning of the trip I decided to photograph everything we passed, saw a lake...decided it was the great Salt Lake, saw a town... decided it was a village of Mormans with lots of wives and thousands of children, saw a Lincoln monument...that one was real.

The day was progessing nicely when we decided to stop and use the restroom. This stop was the Lord, because with my coffee loving vision I saw it, STARBUCKS!!! It did not matter how much coffee I had already had, we must go there. So we fill up with gas and head on over. Unfortunatly, this is where the bad luck begins. I order a sweetened ice green tea lemonade, Maria orders a iced white mocha. She ends up with a marble mocha, which is a fancy way of waying a mocha they messed up on and added white chocolate to. I end up waiting and waiting and waiting... finally I get my drink and we are on the road.

As we pull onto the freeway I see a sign that says "wreck up ahead expect two hour delay". This cannot be true there are a total of five other cars on the road, all of which are driving 80+ no way is there going to be traffic... Oh wait signs don't normally lie. We finally hit the traffic 30min down the road. It is at a dead stop everyone out of the cars. Well, I busted out my pillow and layed on the trunk, I walked around, I read a book, I sat staring into the great nothingness, I watched th lady in front of us groom her giant dog(including his manly parts..YUCK)... I waited. Finally, we move...ten feet and than stop for 20 more minutes... Hours later we are moving. Now this is the point that my Saturn proves her greatness. We beat everyone in our path, we owned the road, we had a need for speed... Sophie (my car) was a racer and it was amazing.

At six we get to our hotel, we check in get our key and start unloading, I go and grab Maria's laptop bag and it falls out onto my toe. I drop to the ground scream S@#% , which I would never normally say, and than think oh crap I broke my toe, and the laptop...no just my toe not the laptop. After the wonderful show I put on I manage to stand and walk to the door... What do I see? Giant dogs, like the one in traffic, everywhere. It is a dog show. Weird.

Finally the day ends on a happier note, we go grab some good food and see the awesome cowboy boots... see pic to understand

PS. also chipped the windshield, maria broke her sun glasses, and had a bug fly down my pants

On the Road

I knew that my trip to Missouri was going to be long, exhausting, but it is a road trip with one mymy best friends so I knew memories would be created... I had no idea how many...
The trip started with us leaving at 10:30pm instead of the next morning. We were to excited to sleep anyways so why not drive right??? Well, the reason you should not act on the urge to leave at night is YOU DON'T GET TO SLEEP!!! That's ok though right??? Well...
On our grand adventure I had one energy drink, two coffees, a pop, and water... Maria had an energy drink, red bull, and water... This is when the crazy begins. Maria starts a sentence with "there's understandables" I think the mountain we are driving by looks just like a cow. Maria agrees. In fact we think it looks so much like a cow we talk about it the whole way up the hill, and I point out the ear...oh wait it is a tree... We see a shooting star and almost crap ourselves thinking the sky is falling. Once we realize it is a star we talk about how beautiful it is. We decide cheeito's is the only snack after 2am. We eat a whole bag. At about 5am we hit Boise and things start getting sleepy. We switch drivers four times in a hour.... SO SLEEPY!!! Our brilliant plan...napping...in Wendell Idaho... we start giggling due to lack of sleep and can no long control the word vomit from coming out... everything we say is funny... Finally hit Salt Lake... we smell bad, we have not had a meal in a very long time, and we are on a mission to see Mormon Stuff. We see it, and leave. I am pretty sure they wanted to convert us... Day One Ends with... nap time, dinner, showers, back to bed.

Hot Weather

As a lifetime oregonian hot weather has never been a regular part of life. I love vacationing in hot places and I love summer activity, but after this week I HATE 100+ oregon heat. It is just to hot. Most houses have no AC (including mine) which means you go from being hot outside to being even hotter inside. It is just not good. I am just saying. There for I have come to this conclusion, if I ever move to a hot area in the counrty AC is required.

Moments

There are moments in your life when you know, with out a doubt, that God is not only real, but apart of your life. In the last few weeks I have been challenged to seek God for my future. I am 26 so the future is often in the front of my mind. I question whether or not I will truly know God's will when it really counts. I have grown up knowing to pray for everything from what job to take, to where your long lost keys might be, yet I still struggle with knowing He hears me. At least I used. In the last two weeks God has been so faithful to speak to me that it has left no room for doubt. It seems that every time I have opened my bible God has reminded me of His faithfulness to guide me and keep me on the right path.
This morning I had a few verses stand out to me. PS 37:5 says, "Commit your ways to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass." Keep reading to verse 12 "the wicked plots against the just, and gnashes at him with his teeth. 13 The Lord laughs at him, For He sees that his day is coming." verse 23 "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And he delights in His ways."
Basically no matter what the enemy has plotted against you when you commit your life to the Lord, He will lead you and not case your foot to stumble... We no longer have to fear the future, just trust that God has already worked out our future... LOVE IT!!

Whats Next

Since January I have been planning on going to Missouri in September. It has seemed so far away for so long and now it is knocking on my door. Things have changed so much since I first decided to go. When I decided to go I was in a place of total loss and I was broken inside. I felt fully alone and all I wanted was to be gone. Today I am on the up swing. Experiencing total restoration of friendships, and building new friendships that will last a life time. I could honestly say I am loving being home.
Even in the light or things changing for the better, I know that going away for three months to focus on God is still the right thing. I am totally confident that God has something for me, but I am afraid. I am afraid of being to shy, of not having the money, and of missing home. In moments like these I am really glad that my life is not my own. I might worry about the "what if's" but God has already worked them all out. I may be totally panicked about the how, but God has already provided. Yep, in this moment and in this season I am glad God in the one in control. He truly is awesome.

Baking Gone Wrong

Yesterday I was with my sister and I wanted to bake brownies. I love to bake, especially when it is for other people. On this occasion I was baking for my brother in laws birthday. I knew that I would not have money to get him something so I thought what better than to bake his favorite treat. So after a very long and trying day I went to my sister's to unwind and bake. At least I thought that is what I was going to do. I melted the chocolate, mixed the ingredients, spread it in the pan and put it in the oven... Nothing weird. Well, in the middle of watching Jon and Kate Plus 8, I decide to go check and see how things are going. I open the oven expecting to see my beautiful brownies made for scratch... NOPE! It was a brownie explosion of doom! They were dripping out of the pan and it was so nasty. After the nasty looking things came out of the oven, Jenn and I decided we should clean... Bad plan... We turned on the self cleaning oven on and the house filled with smoke. I am serious here! It was horrible. I am not baking brownies ever again... or at least not until the next birthday.

SPA

A few days ago I went to the Spa with my pal Chrissy. You see she is getting married in 8 days and I am her maid of honor so this was the gift she gave me. I loved it!! I am not one to pamper myself, but after going to the spa I could be. We went to this thing called a hydro room, which is basically a glorified shower. Here is how it works they give you a skin treatment, wrap you like a burrito, and than turn the room on and it hoses you down. It is way cooler than I am making it sound and it is very relaxing. I heart being a pampered girl. It confirms that I better marry rich.

My Job

It is me the worlds worst blogger here to tell you about my awesome life. I am a professional diaper changing, nose wiping', nap given, nanny. You may think "I've seen super nanny that must be hard work" Well I hate to burst your bubble, but that show is a load of poop. Nanny's do not come in and change how a family is run, we simply follow instructions. Sometimes, that means going to movies, those are the good days. No matter what I am told to do my job is always interesting. And rarely hard.
Here is a story from last week:
I was at work giving the baby a bottle when all of the sudden the cat FREAKS OUT!! First of all you must know I am terrified of cats, because at a nanny job a few years ago, the cat was satan or something and chased me and tried to claw my face off. That being said I look over at the cat and see feathers flying. "Oh crap a bird is in the house" I thought. Well, about 5 seconds later this nasty bird comes flying by my head. I did what every grown woman would do and ran outside with the baby. I mean I am not about to touch bird, especially with a cat after it. What if the cat thinks I am stealing its meal and ninjas me??? Not going to happen. I was not about to be scratched to death or pecked to death by getting in the middle of this war. After little thought I went to the neighbor, whom I did not know, and asked him to get the bird. He did!! The beauty of being a girl I suppose. With the bird out of the house it was time to get back to "nannying".
And that is my job.

Give me a break I am new at this!!

I have joined facebook, twitter and have a myspace. Blogging seemed inevitable, so here I am. I am here for a few reasons, but the main one is to ramble on about my great life. I just want you all to know that this will not be the most serious blog ever, but that is ok. Great postings to come!