Thursday, September 22, 2011

Nothing Else Will Do

The roller coaster has continued in my life. I face the glaring reality that my life is a mystery every single day. I have come to realize that my identity cannot be found in today or tomorrow, but in serving Christ. I am not sure why the simplest truths take the longest to learn, but I know now more than ever that my peace, my worth, my true identity can only be found in God. The more I seek to figure things out on my own or find fulfillment on my own the more miserable I become. The more I give in to God and His love the more I become true to who I am created to be. As His love transforms me daily I see that peace comes in knowing Him, not in knowing what tomorrow brings. Dreams are fulfilled in trusting Him, not in pushing for my own way. So in my seemingly long season of waiting I am giving up. I am giving up trying to figure any of it out. I am going to focus on one thing, falling on love with Christ. If knowing Him is truly what it is all about than I do not want my eyes on anything else. He knows my heart, my desires and His promises to me. He will make it happen, He will hasten the day. I am making a choice to rest in that and know Him more. In the end nothing else will do.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Seeking God.

What do you do when you know what God has for you and yet do not see it come to pass?? I have fasted, prayed, cried, begged, thanked, spoken in faith, taken communion, and cried some more. Now what? I know God hears me(sometimes it is hard to believe) and I know that He has the best in store for my life(sometimes a stretch too) but His timing MAKES NO SENSE! So now what?
My answer is trust, let go and wait some more. I am learning that I have no clue why things are the way they are. Why life seems to just open for one person while another has to fight at every turn. I do not know why Gods plan for me is what it is, but I must cling to that fact that it is good. I am proclaiming things that I do not see, I am standing when all I want to do is run and hide, I am giving God everything and expecting Him to move. I am sure that soon I will see a break through, but man this is tough.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


It has been awhile. It seems as though I have had a season of silence. Many questions have risen in my heart, but some much needed clarity has been given too. As I type this blog I am just beginning to understand what God is doing in my life. I live a seemly normal life. I do not have much when you look at me. I work a normal job and I live Ina normal house. I am not rich, but I don't go without. What people don't see is my heart. My passion to please God and live fully in His will. People who know me know I constantly fight to figure out what God could possibly have in store for me. Today I can see clearly. I know just what God is doing in me. He is chipping away at me. What do I mean??? I am seemly normal but inside me is a gem of beauty. A gem that reflects the beauty of God. He is chipping away the ugly parts and even though I am a flawed gem He calls me lovely and calls me His. My life is normal but God is reflected in me. That is who I am. It is not easy when God is at work, sometimes it hurts but I know it is good and I would not trade it.