Friday, March 2, 2012

My life in perspective

2012 has been a whirlwind. This year I knew was going to be full or change. I could feel it when the clock struck midnight. Something new was coming my way. I really believed that is would be a year that God came through for me. A year where the desires of my heart were seen and met. I was full of faith. The the shaking started. Everything I thought I knew, everything I believe was happening, every direction my life was aimed came crumbling down. How is it that I have faith one minute and the next I feel the need to grab onto anything or I may completely crumble? My answer:I don't know.
Life has dealt me some pretty intense cards this year. I have handle some moments with grace and completely lost control in others. I have had weeks of spiritual breakthrough and weeks where the thought of talking to God makes me cry. I have struggled so much with the "WHY" and the "WHAT IF". I have felt abandon and unseen. I mean if God loves me and has something great in store for me why would it not be happening? Or maybe all that is happening is merely the road to get to breakthrough and answers.
I often pray the God would guide me and keep me. I pray that I would live where he wants me to live, marry who he wants me to marry and be who he created me to be. I mean these prayers but when they are answered I freak out and question where the Lord is. What I am beginning to see is the answer to my prayers are not easy. Sometimes it involves tears and feeling left alone, but I see now that He is hearing me and simply closing the wrong doors so I will walk through the right ones. He is reminding me that He has been here all along I just have to look up and see Him. I understand that 2012 is my year, but to start off we must eliminate all the junk that is not for me.
If you are discouraged like I have been take a moment and reflect on what you've prayed for. Maybe He is not giving you the answer you want, but I bet it is the answer you need.