Saturday, January 30, 2010

So Good

A few nights ago at the awakening service we were singing "if you ask for bread He won't give you a stone, if you ask Him to come He won't leave you alone. He is a good good Father and we are His sons and daughters." This has not left me for days. I can feel the passion stirring in my heart once again. My Saviour is awakening promises long forgotten about and given up on. He is reminding me that His word is always true and that He is going to do what He said.
I hate to say it, but I give up easily. I hate to lose and that causes me to not want to try. When I don't see immediate answers I often let it go. I know that God is good, but I don't ask to often for what is deep in my heart. He does not forget His promises though and He wants to come through. He wants to give us our hearts desire. We simply have to ask and wait.
His timing is not always the same as ours, but it is so perfect! I have never been let down by God. He has kept me single so that I could be here in this time and season! He has blessed my life abundantly. I know that my future is going to be amazing, because I see how blessed I am now. He really is a good Father. He fulfills every promise He makes in the very best way and best time. Don't give up just because you don't see results right now. If you ask He will break through in the very best moment.

Monday, January 25, 2010


It was only a year ago that I was sitting at IHOP-KC crying out to God for my friends, for my future, unsure of what was next. It was a year ago that my heart was so broken and unsure of your love. It was a year ago that prayer was my constant battle. The longing of my heart was for you, but the action of seeking you was a constant battle. I would cry out in the night feeling that you were so far from me, convinced You could not hear my feeble prayers. I was consumed with loneliness on a spiritual level. It was another dark valley.
I have had a few of these valleys in my life thus far. Times of wanting to be close to God and not knowing how, of wanting His friendship to be enough, but not seeing how that could ever be possible. It was a year ago I determined to find Him. I had to know this God I had given my life to.
This morning I sit on the verge of tear with a heart overflowing with gratitude. I look back and see the richest year I have yet had spiritually. I am tearing up as I think of how good God has been to me. He has shown up at just the right time. He allowed me to walk through the valley to awaken my hunger. He allowed a taste of His goodness, followed by a season of longing for more. He taught me to find my joy in the seeking as much as in the sitting before Him. I am grateful. I am in love with a good God who has beauty beyond measure.
116. My wonderful God who has shown Himself faithful
117. Break through
118. A heart overflowing with Joy
119. the song "Hallelujah Jesus" by Evan Wickham
120. My best friend and beautiful Saviour, He is changing me.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I love Him

I am in a process of constant stretching. God is taking me on such a spiritual ride that words would not discribe it. I am becoming more of who I know God has called me to be. Everyday I wake up anticipating being with Him. He has blessed me beyond belief and it is only the beginning. The more I allow Him to take away the more of Himself He pours in. I am just so in love with my Savior. He truly is the best.

Friday, January 22, 2010


Last night my internship here at IHOP went up for prayer. To be honest I had little to no expectaion of what God wanted to do. I see God shake people to the core everynight, I see the outward manifestations and I just figured that was not me. Last night though God broke me and healed me. I was on the floor (not normal) and I saw a vision of me with all these daggers in my sides and back. God asked to remove them and I didn't want him to at first because I knew it would hurt, but He asked again. The second time I cried out and said God take away anything that is keeping me from recieving from you. As he pulled each dagger of rejection, bouundage, and wrong thinking out He would touch the wound and it was gone. It did not even leave a scar it was as though it never happpend. I got up and I knew I was healed. As I proclaimed the healing I began to be filled with His Spirit in a whole new way. I became one of those people manifesting His power. I am still shaking as I type knowing how good the God I serve is... Be free today.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Life is good

I was sitting there last night listening to the beautiful sounds of worship coming from my new friends and I felt at home. I felt like I finally found the people with the same passion and drive for God that has always been a deep part of me. People that I could say anything to and know they would lift me up in prayer. I never would have known God had this in store for me, but I am so grateful. I am sure the best is still yet to come.
101. New friends
102. Deep work of God in my heart
103. beautiful worship with friends
104. a day to get all the must do's done...
105. my wonderful cousins who support me always and paid to get my car fix.
106. Being a full time intern. I may have 0 dollars, but I have peace of knowing I am doing the right thing
107. Good talks with friends
108. Texting my sister about heart matters
109. Letters from my niece and nephew... so funny so cute
110. my baby niece kissing the phone as we talk
111. pepper jack cheese
112. a clean car
113. The best small group ever!
114. being so in love with Jesus

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Another Layer

Time for another layer to be removed. Living a life for God comes with much joy, but first a little pain. Friday I was faced with yet another layer of insecurity that has held me back. It was another layer of "trust issues" that God wanted to free me from. Only this one was hard for me to see. It was this chronic pain that I was so used to. I honestly did not notice it anymore, because it was so apart of me. God saw it and wanted me to be free.
As I began to pray this through I began to see how comfortable I was in my brokenness. This angered me. How could I be comfortable living with everyone at an arms length? How could I be comfortable not trusting? I was comfortable because it was what I knew. It was a defining part of me. People hurt you, so you have a guard up. It was the sad truth that had dictated my relationships for so long. I would let people "in" but not all the way.
We are created to love. Not only are we created to love God, but we are created to love one another. True love begins in letting people close, so close that you are vulnerable. This means there will be pain, but love is worth it. As I began to proclaim these truths over myself I felt such freedom. People will hurt me and I will hurt them. After all we are all loving out of a fallen nature. It is so much better to love and be loved, than to be alone and "safe."
If you have been hurt and are facing the same trust issues I had face them head on. Open yourself up to God and to others. We are made for relationship. Don't stay trapped. Be free.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


I sighed as I walked back into the International House of Prayer on January 5th, I was home. I would have never guessed a year ago that this is where God would be planting me. Even through out the fall I kept thinking I was going "home", littler did I know I was already there.
God has continually asked me to trust His guidance, but through my ignorance I have lived in fear of what is to come. In this season, I have had more uncertainty than ever before and more peace. I am so confidant in the Lords guiding that there is no longer room to fear. I am confident that whatever is to come in my life will lead me closer to him and that is really all you can ever ask for.
I am encourage everyone, no matter where you find yourself, trust your Father. He is so good and He will guide you in perfect peace.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Being thankful...

I am sitting at my KC Mo house thinking of how truly good God is. I am very blessed in every aspect of my life. I am not always have the clearest picture of where I am going, but I am always confident God is with me and goes before me.
91. New Seasons
92. Being in KC
93. Knowing I am in His will
94. Intro to IHOP
95. New friends, coffee, and pure fun
96. My family being with me at IHOP for a week
97. The support my home church offers me... I really would not be here without them
98. Gods beautiful peace
99. laughter at just the right moment
100. Holy Spirit rocking me on Saturday

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I AM BACK!! woot woot

Wow, it has been awhile!! I am back in KC and I am loving every minute of it. I have already been touched by the Lord and it is wonderful. It is amazing how God will bring you to a place of complete discomfort so that He can pour His love. I am learning more and more how to rely on Him and it is changing my life. Welp, I am back and the blogs will be coming!! Keep Reading:)