Friday, October 30, 2009


Being an auntie is one of the highlights of my life. When my nephew was born I became an auntie for the first time. Soon following his arrival my oldest niece joined the family, I knew it was the way God intended. They crack me up more than anyone. As an auntie I spoil them and than send them home. They still don't think I am ever serious. In February I was made an auntie again and I was thrilled. To see the joy in your sisters face is worth more than words.
One thing I love about being an auntie are those rare moments you get to be apart of a first. My nephew gave me my first(and only) hickey at six weeks. He was the first baby boy in our family. I was able to see a lot of firsts with him. My oldest niece came around later so I missed her firsts until this summer when I pulled out her first tooth. She was so brave and we got it out in no time. She may never let me near her face again, but that is ok. Yesterday, my baby niece clapped for the first time while I was on skype. It was a little treasure to my heart to see her chubby little hands finally master the art of clapping. She was so proud of herself. As an auntie I don't get to be apart of every moment, but God saves a little treasure here and there just for me.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


For many years I was shy. I was unable to talk when I felt uncomfortable in any way. I am no longer that shy, but one thing has stuck from all those years of quiet, sometimes I have nothing to say. I have quiet days. I have days where all I really want to do is listen. I just have days where my words are few. These days don't come often, but here and there they hit me. It is not quiet due to sadness or self reflection it is just a listening day.
Today I am quiet. I have few words, but my heart is overflowing. Today I sit and I listen as I read the word. I sit and wait to hear the voice of God, the one I love. I sit and stare into His eyes waiting to hear the faintest whisper. I don't need to say anything, my heart speaks volumes over any words I could produce. He has captured me and all I want to do is hear. Some days I want to shout of His goodness, but today I want to sit and listen.
I am thankful for my quiet day. I am thankful that in the silence I can hear God's voice. I am pouring all I have out He hears me. When I am talking a mile a minute he listens. Today I quiet my spirit that He may pour out His heart. Take a quiet day. Just listen. Listen to the voice of the one you love, He has much to tell you.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


The last few nights I have not been able to fall asleep. I have been going to bed at a normal time and than lying there awake...thinking. I think about my life now and what my life looks like. In the past I have been a worrier, I still am at times, but God is teaching me how to rest in Him.
Yesterday I was lying there reading and God revealed a little nugget if truth to me in a book. In the book The Shulamite's Cry, the author was talking about how David learned to rest in God. Psalm 131:1 says, "Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor things to profound for me." As I kept reading about resting in God I understood finally what it meant. It meant I could take every dream, desire, and thought before God talk to Him about it and leave it there. I can rest in knowing that He knows me better than I know myself, He knows my needs before I do and He loves to listen to me. He longs for me to trust Him and the more I give Him the more I am free. So as I lay in bed, with thoughts crossing my mind, I have begun to surrender them one by one. Even if it seems small and fleeting God can have it. In Him I have found rest and perfect peace.

Monday, October 26, 2009

One Month

Today real life came knocking. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I was avoiding it. I am in a place with only Jesus. I have few friends, no job, and little family (Groves are here) in Missouri, nothing to keep me from investing every spare moment I can find into my relationship with Jesus.

Today I received an email from work at home. A reminder that real life it a month away. At first I wanted to cry. I my heart has been changed while I have been here. I feel as though I have met Jesus for the first time. He has become more real to me than any other season of my life and the thought of other things coming between us makes me so sad. As I walked to class on this beautiful fall morning the sadness faded. I was reminded of how much of what God has done in me has made me long for home.

I want to tell everyone how enjoyable serving God is. I want to be a driving force in the awakening of prayer in Portland. I want to see Switch grow with 65 new souls. I want to watch my family grow closer as we challenge one another to pursue the Lord a little deeper. I want to see the families I nanny for come to know the God I love and give my life for. I want to show others that it is possible to make Jesus first in all things. I want to live this life of prayer in the midst of everyday things. That is my desire.

12. a vision for home
13. The anticipation of Chrissy and I opening our journals and sharing the intimate parts of our hearts over a great cup of coffee
14. Dancing with the Lord when it is just He and I.
15. makeup time with Maudi, who is convinced that we must be twins at all times.
16. The goodness of God in every season of life
17. Faith for promises I have yet to see fulfilled
18. Elliana showing her awesome raspberry skills over skype
19. Malachi's tender heart
20. Singing to the Lord from my heart.
21. Serving a Joyful Righteous King
22. The ability to dream
23. Knowing that not a single prayer I pray falls to the ground
24. Memories of my Grandpa waking up everyday with a song on his lips.
25. The Harms- they have welcomed me into there family while here is Missouri
26. Family in God
27. Knowing that God has a heart of restoration
28. Complete freedom from the past
29. Not feeling trapped in shyness every time I leave the house
30. My Daddy coming to see me and drive my car home. I love being the baby.
31. Family dinner-I never thought I would miss them so much.
32. The Gospels. They have come alive!!

Saturday, October 24, 2009


For a while I have been wanting to think of a creative way to make a statement of faith to God. He has given me so many promises in life that I want to see come to pass, but even more He wants to see them come to pass. I am beginning to realize the best thing I can do is embrace the mystery of God, stop trying to figure out how or when and just believe. I wanted something to show that there has been a mark on my heart in the area of faith. I wanted a reminder that when I pray over the promises He has given me and pray according to His will it is a YES!
Last night as i was about to go to sleep I realized what I needed a faith journal. Not a journal full of thoughts, but full of promises. I wanted it to be full of verses on faith and prayers of faith.

My mom gave me a journal when she was here and now it has been deemed my "faith journal". I have only just begun, but the first page is full of verses and than each page after that starts with By Faith.... I have a page for everyone in my family, myself, my future spouse, my future kids, salvation, church and there are more pages to come. I have so much more to do, but I love that this little faith journal can be a testament to me that GOD has heard, HE has answered, and in time I will see how it comes to pass.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


At commission we have been talking a lot about how in order to have sustaining prayer, you must have enjoyable prayer. This has been hitting so hard to me because prayer has often been a struggle. It is not that I do not love God, but somehow long periods of praying seem difficult. Well, we have talked a lot about different things to do in time of prayer and one of those is mediation on the word.
Meditation on the word has always seems like a far off idea to me. I thought it meant you sit down and think, after that five seconds was over than what??? Our wonderful teacher Ian gave us some things to help us meditate on the word that I want to pass on to you.
1. Pick a verse that reveals Gods heart for you or that really speaks to you.
2. Take a piece of paper and make three sections. One large section to write out your prayer, a side section to write future studies that come to you while meditating, one section to recognize distractions (this is so you can address distractions without having to loose focus)
3. With your verse you will read it, write out what He says to you through it, sing it, say it OUT LOUD, and think about it.
Here is an example verse from today
Ps. 36:7 "How precious is you lovingkindness, O God, Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wing."
My writing : Your lovingkindness is better than life. When I am in the safety of your love I have nothing to fear. I love you, because You first loved me. Your love is precious, it is sweet.
Think: God gave me a picture. I was at the beach and as I getting out of the water and it was sticky and I needed to rinse off the salt water. If i did not rinse off I would have a film on my skin. Spiritually we have a film on our inner man from living in this world and we must constantly be washed in His lovingkindness.
Try all the steps for yourself. I did this for 25min today and it seemed so short. It really does make a difference.

Monday, October 19, 2009


It has been a full weekend. My heart is overwhelmed by how good God is to me. I have had a very good life, yet I still struggle with Gods love for me. I wonder how such a God could love me. After all what have I done? The truth being I have done nothing to earn His love, He just wants me to have it.
Over the weekend God poured His love over me by the bucket. I could not escape it. It was His subtle reminder that He is never going to leave me, betray me, and He will always care. I carry scars from wounds others have caused and wounds I have self inflicted. I am still tender in many areas due to these wounds, but God gently touches each one with His healing love. He does not rush past any, He takes His time until one by one the scars begin to fade. He knows the deepest parts of me and He loves me. I am so glad I serve such a good God.
I would like to start writing the things I am thankful for like my awesome mom so here goes...
1. The tender love of God
2. being in Missouri for this season of my life
3. My Mom. She inspires me everyday.
4. My Dad. No matter how old I get I know he will do anything for me.
5. Facebook. I love being able to see pictures of my baby niece as she is growing and changing
6. God never giving up on me
7. My quilt from grandma stewart
8. A warm cup of tea before bed
9. The leaves changing
10. My sisters. We are all very different and I love it.
11. My Bible. I grow to love it more everyday.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Snacks and Steaks...Mmmmm

I love snacks. I really would rather snack all day than eat a meal. Snacks are great, because you get to eat small protions things you like all day. With meal you have to sit down and eat. You have to figure out what you want, cook it, eat and than clean up. It is a whole to do. With snacks you can just munch. Mmmmm snacks.
Even though I have a genuine love for snacks, I also have a genuine love for steak. If you put a big fat juicy steak in front of me I can out eat almost anyone ( I am serious). When it some to steak I am willing to put in the effort for a good meal.
Now lets make this practical. I have spent the majority of my Christian life in snack mode. I snack on the word. I snack on prayer. I snack on worship. I take a little of this and a little of that whenever I have the time. It is not that I do not love the word or the things of God, I am just not a meal girl.
In the past few weeks I have been feasting on the things of God. My whole life has been surrounded with prayer, worship, and hours in the word. It has been a big fat juicy steak from Heaven. Since I have been feasting i have been growing. The lie that snacking give you is that you are full, but you normally don't have the nutrition needed to grow. I believe for proper growth we must come to a balance. We need snacks and steaks. It is never a bad thing to have a taste of the word whenever you can, but don't let that supplement your big fat feast. In order for growth you need time daily of really diving in the word, figuring out what it is saying, meditating, chewing on it. DO NOT NEGLECT MEAL TIME. Sure have a snack as you run out the door, but set aside time for a daily feast with God.
Now I am very hungry.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My most recent thoughts...

My whole life I have had a plan. I knew when I wanted to get married, have kids, write a book, and when I would be in full time ministry. I had everything figured out. I thought that since my desires where good they would happen when I wanted, but I never asked God what His idea for me was. I have had many disappointments, due to my lack of asking God his intentions for me.

Looking from the outside, I have nothing the world would call successful, but I have the best life. I am only able to say that, because for the first time I get it! I have had a wrong perception of greatness. I view greatness as all my prayers being answered and having huge kingdom impact. Gods definition is someone who seeks Him alone, even in the good, bad, really really bad, and horrible.

We are meant to live a life seeking intimacy and passion for Jesus. When we are seeking these things, everything else fades from our focus. I am not saying your desires go away, mine haven't, but your opinion of God is not based on when or if they happen. When you seek God alone, you find the freedom of love and trust. You begin to understand that He will not love you more if you speak to 1000 people or 2 people. He just wants your heart to be for Him, not what He can use you to do.

I believe we are meant to ask for the fulfillment of dreams and promises, but not at the cost of knowing who we serve. If you do not know who God is and ALL His thoughts towards you, than what good is a big ministry or the "perfect" life? If we truly are living for what is to come in eternity, than shouldn't our focus be on the one we will fellowship with for eternity?

My opinion is it is time to stop having a "me" focused Christianity. It is not about what you do, it is about Him. This is a basic truth that we all have the head knowledge of, yet we still waste our lives seeking selfish ambition. So lets change. Instead of praying " God, will you use me to do this? Will you give me this?" Lets pray, "God, I want to know your heart, your desire, your passion for my city, your passion for me. Let me love You more." I challenge you to change your approach and let God be the one who defines your life.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Psalm 18

Psalm 18:29-36
"For by you I can run against a troop, by my god I can leap over a wall. As for God, His way IS perfect; The word of the Lord IS proven; He IS a shield to those who trust in Him. For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, He sets me on high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have also give me the shield of Your salvation, Your right hand has held me up, YOUR GENTLENESS HAS MADE ME GREAT. You enlarged my path under me, so my feet did not slip."

All I am saying is that the Bible is amazing. Amen amen amen. I love the word of God. It is just so good. If you want to hear God open His word. Good stuff.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Make Lemonade

I am 26 and single. Yes, it is true. I am not married, not even dating. I have not dated much in my life to be honest. To say that I am thrilled with my single status all the time would be a huge lie. Some days I go home and realize it is just me and cry. There are even times when I ask God "Why?" I see others getting married and I wonder why I must wait. I go to multi-church events and see girls I went to college with who are married and have kids and I wonder what is wrong with me. Yep, I have pity party's sometimes.
God has placed me in a season of singleness and it is not always fun. It is painful at times, but this is my season. One thing I have learned in the past year is to embrace where I am. I am not married (yet) and I am not dating (yet), but I am NOT alone either. Being single has given me a chance to know God on a level few do, He has become the companion I share life with. I tell Him everything, because majority of the time its just us.
I have come to realize that it is best to not question the season, but live in the season and find the good in the season. We all face seasons in life that we do not understand, or even want. He allows us to go through tough times, so that we will grow and learn to draw to Him. If we can embrace Him in the hard times, than we will rejoice with Him in seasons of joy.
Yes, I am 26 and single, but I am growing in God and I am thankful for all He has done in me during this time. What season are you in? Is the season defining you or is God?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Straight From My Journal... YIKES!

Today I wanted to share a prayer from my journal. It is a prayer from my heart to Jesus. I am sharing this, because even as I read it I can see the battle of knowing who I really am. The more I am with God the more I see what He sees. My prayer is that I stay in a place of honesty before the Lord. I have doubts, but He doesn't. When I speak to Him, He reaffirms who I really am.

I see all these worshipers, all these moving in your anointing, it is overwhelming. I think," Who am I?" I know You love me as I am and I know You can use me. Even if I sing only to You my life will be pure greatness. I long to do great things, but more I long to please You. I desire to bring glory to Your name. I don't care what my mind says, my heart KNOWS I am Yours. My songs are Yours, my words are Yours, my steps are Yours. It is satisfying to my soul to know I am Yours. When you look at me my spirit leaps screaming, "Do you see Him? He is mine and I am His! Isn't it Wonderful?" When my mind tries to doubt let me remember what You have said to me." You say, " I am Yours."
Your Love,

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

These are a few of my favorite things

As I walked to the prayer room today I thought about how much I love the fall. I began to smile as I thought of my favorite things to do in the fall. I am going to share those things with you now and I recommend giving each a try.

Walking in the rain

Picking out the perfect pumpkin

Decorating the whole house with fall colors

Going to the corn maze and getting so muddy you can no longer see your jeans

Tea, a good book, and my grandma quilt's

The smell of cinnamon and cidar

Watching Gilmore Girls (tradition started with roommates)

A nice puddle jump (once in awhile it is good to jump in a puddle and feel like a kid)

Pumpkin spice lattes, waffles, and coffee cake

Baking pies for Thanksgiving

The changing colors of the tree's

A walk around glendoveer

A corny movie with my friends when it is raining to hard to go out.

Yep, I like all of these things about fall. What are your favorite things about the season?

Sunday, October 4, 2009

In the absence of grandma coffee

I am having one of those moments where I feel like I have so much to say and I have no clue where to start. I hate that feeling! If I was at home my friend Chrissy and I would go to our favorite grandma coffee shop and I will spill my hearts content over a small coffee and cinnamon roll, but I am in Missouri so I must blog.
This week has been another growing experience. It was the last week for all those who came to IHOP Commission for a month (my pal Elissa) and so we talked a lot about what are fears were leaving. I really thought about this question. What was a afraid of most? I knew immidiatly it was that I was not enough for God, that I was not doing enough to please Him. After these thoughts came to me the teacher said this exact thing was his fear. I was in such shock! He started to talk about how this was one thing he had to really attack in prayer and I knew it was the same for me. In that moment I began to pray that God would speak to me and that I would not be bound by this fear.
Later on in the week I was driving to dinner with my mom (my parents were in town) and we started to talk about what has been happening in me while I was here. I shared with her this fear of not being enough and how I knew God was beginning to set me free. I don't know when it crept into my life, but I knew I did not want it to define me any longer. On Friday I went to IHOP to receive prayer/prophecy and they began to talk about how I was a delight to GOD and I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing or moving at the right speed, but that HE saw me, saw my progress and was happy. I felt in that moment a huge weight lift from me. He heard me. He knew I needed that nudge of saying "You're doing good, I am happy with you."
Isn't it just like God to bring an issue of wrong thinking to light and than give us the grace and encouragement to deal with it. I know many times in my life I search for what I am doing wrong in effort to fix myself, but it never works. Recently I have simply been loving God and letting Him love me and He is changing me in His timing and in His way. It is still painful to be stretched and broken, but when God does it you know it will be lasting change.