Sunday, October 4, 2009

In the absence of grandma coffee

I am having one of those moments where I feel like I have so much to say and I have no clue where to start. I hate that feeling! If I was at home my friend Chrissy and I would go to our favorite grandma coffee shop and I will spill my hearts content over a small coffee and cinnamon roll, but I am in Missouri so I must blog.
This week has been another growing experience. It was the last week for all those who came to IHOP Commission for a month (my pal Elissa) and so we talked a lot about what are fears were leaving. I really thought about this question. What was a afraid of most? I knew immidiatly it was that I was not enough for God, that I was not doing enough to please Him. After these thoughts came to me the teacher said this exact thing was his fear. I was in such shock! He started to talk about how this was one thing he had to really attack in prayer and I knew it was the same for me. In that moment I began to pray that God would speak to me and that I would not be bound by this fear.
Later on in the week I was driving to dinner with my mom (my parents were in town) and we started to talk about what has been happening in me while I was here. I shared with her this fear of not being enough and how I knew God was beginning to set me free. I don't know when it crept into my life, but I knew I did not want it to define me any longer. On Friday I went to IHOP to receive prayer/prophecy and they began to talk about how I was a delight to GOD and I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing or moving at the right speed, but that HE saw me, saw my progress and was happy. I felt in that moment a huge weight lift from me. He heard me. He knew I needed that nudge of saying "You're doing good, I am happy with you."
Isn't it just like God to bring an issue of wrong thinking to light and than give us the grace and encouragement to deal with it. I know many times in my life I search for what I am doing wrong in effort to fix myself, but it never works. Recently I have simply been loving God and letting Him love me and He is changing me in His timing and in His way. It is still painful to be stretched and broken, but when God does it you know it will be lasting change.

1 comment:

  1. I went to our coffee shop today with chris... it is not the same as when I go with you...