Friday, March 2, 2012

My life in perspective

2012 has been a whirlwind. This year I knew was going to be full or change. I could feel it when the clock struck midnight. Something new was coming my way. I really believed that is would be a year that God came through for me. A year where the desires of my heart were seen and met. I was full of faith. The the shaking started. Everything I thought I knew, everything I believe was happening, every direction my life was aimed came crumbling down. How is it that I have faith one minute and the next I feel the need to grab onto anything or I may completely crumble? My answer:I don't know.
Life has dealt me some pretty intense cards this year. I have handle some moments with grace and completely lost control in others. I have had weeks of spiritual breakthrough and weeks where the thought of talking to God makes me cry. I have struggled so much with the "WHY" and the "WHAT IF". I have felt abandon and unseen. I mean if God loves me and has something great in store for me why would it not be happening? Or maybe all that is happening is merely the road to get to breakthrough and answers.
I often pray the God would guide me and keep me. I pray that I would live where he wants me to live, marry who he wants me to marry and be who he created me to be. I mean these prayers but when they are answered I freak out and question where the Lord is. What I am beginning to see is the answer to my prayers are not easy. Sometimes it involves tears and feeling left alone, but I see now that He is hearing me and simply closing the wrong doors so I will walk through the right ones. He is reminding me that He has been here all along I just have to look up and see Him. I understand that 2012 is my year, but to start off we must eliminate all the junk that is not for me.
If you are discouraged like I have been take a moment and reflect on what you've prayed for. Maybe He is not giving you the answer you want, but I bet it is the answer you need.

Friday, January 27, 2012

So I went on a fast...

So I went on a fast asking for change. I wasn't even sure what I wanted. All I knew is that Gos was stirring something up. I had a friend call and say lets fast, so I did. Well, I went on a fast and something changed! I realized that I wanted God more than I wanted my own desires. I came to the conclusion that God was opening the door for different housing and it was time to walk through that. I now understand that I am called to be a friend who loves above all else, but I am never to settle in how I am treated or what I desire in relationships. I learned that my heart is getting stronger in the Lord. I went on a fast and watched doors open for another ministry trip, Cyprus and Israel in March! So, I went on a fast and everything changed and the fast isn't over! I now see that prayer and fasting does change everything.

Sunday, January 1, 2012


I began last year in a very different place. I was wondering and pretty lost. I just had no clue what God was doing and why. As 2011 progressed I began to see that it was a year of moving forward and trusting God. It was challenging in every way, but the most rewarding time of my life. I feel that this was the year my destiny in Christ became a reality I am walking out. I was able to see how much Gods love and changed me and made me strong. I found a voice where there had been none. I became me again in 2011. So what about 2012?? I am not sure yet, but in my heart I am believing for a year of promises fulfilled. All I know is it is going to be good.