Tis the Season

I love fall. I love rain and leaves changing colors. I love cuddling in a blanket drinking tea and reading. I love walks right after a good Portland rain, the air smells sweet. The thing I love most about fall is that it means the holidays are coming! Holidays in my family are full of tradition. Not the traditions of others, but ones that are just ours. Examples: The day after Thanksgiving parade, where me and mom dance until my dad is so embarrassed he walks away. Watching Christmas movies, Holiday Inn always makes Jody mad. I love that on Christmas eve we don't eat a meal, we all just pick our favorite snacks and munch.
Christmas has stockings, southern breakfast, the blessing (my dad does this our fam). We also have gifts, but no names are on them, we each have our own wrapping only to be revealed on Christmas, and only one person can open at a time. As you can imagine the gift portion takes awhile. This is followed by a huge lamb dinner. The thing I love most about the holidays is hanging out with my family. We see eachother all the time, but when it just seems like the Holidays remind you to be thankful for them. Yes, I love the holidays. Awh...fall...

So Far...

My life is changing. If you have been reading my blog you will be able to see that it has become different. That is because I came to Missouri desperately seeking to know the God I serve. I don't ever want my walk to be a ritual. I want to have a relationship of passion. Since I have been away it is as if my spirit has come alive. For the first time I understand how wonderful searching the scripture is. I am catching small glimpses of Gods beauty and love. I am finding confidence in His love and in His desire for me. My prayer is that I never forget how simple loving God is. I want to go home with this love so deep in my heart, I want it to be the driving force of my life. I want to be able to share with others the simplicity of letting God love you. I know that I am richly blessed to be here and I pray that I am able to bring this back to others. If you are in a place of ritual or routine let God love you. Begin to proclaim His love over your life. It may take time, but soon it will penetrate your heart. Sing His love over you. It will change your life.

Love

It is as if I am meeting You for the first time. I have known you all my life, but it is my heart that longs deeply for You now. How could I have not seen Your tenderness towards me? You have been cheering me on all along. You have loved me even in my darkest state. Even when I was running from You, Your love was for me. Your eyes have always been on me. When I was in my lowest state, You loved me, You liked me, You wanted me. I see a glimpse of Your love now. When we are talking I feel all I can say is " I love you too." Those words are so small, but You are ravished by them. Let me not forget this love so sweet. Let me always live with my eye's locked on You.
"Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved and this is my friend..." Song of Solomon 5:16

Delight

I am a delight to God. I am a delight to Him with all my flaws, insecurities, sins, imperfections, and wrong concepts. I am such a delight to Him that He sings songs of love to me. I am His cherished treasure. I am more than people see in me. I am the bride of a holy and righteous King. He delights in me when I am walking tall and when I am falling down. There is nothing I could do, say, act, or be to make Him love me more. He loves me in full perfection where I am right now. He sings over me the most beautiful song. He sings, "I enjoy you the way that you are, where you are. I love who you are. The mistakes that you've made, the disappointments and pain; I AM washing way." Our song is one of mercy and grace. His love is not conditioned on me. I am flawed and He is aware and when I let Him close He washes the flaws away with His tender touch. He washes me with words so sweet. No man will ever love me as He does. His gaze is set on me. In all I do He is watching. He does judge my actions, but He deals with me so tenderly. His touch is gentle and kind. He knows me. Yes, I am a delight to God. I am the love of His heart. This is me. This is who I am, what I am, and what I am becoming.
God is changing my life. He can change yours too. Let Him speak His love over you.

Coffee

Coffee! I love it and I hate it. Coffee is my one true addiction. I need it. At least that is how I live my life. I wake up, I make coffee, I shower, I drink coffee. I mean I love coffee. I will drink it with creamer or without, sweet or not. I just really need my daily coffee. My issue with coffee is that it is a cruel friend. When I neglect coffee it beats me up with a huge head ache. It is down right mean. My solution to this is to never go a day without it.
The problem is I want to be a person who can fast. I had a very hard time fasting and I have been very convicted about this, so I thought what is one huge thing that keeps me from fasting? Coffee. I can't stand having head aches. I don't get them often so I have no tolerance. When I skip meals I often get a little head ache and no coffee to that and my life is basically over. That is why I am breaking up with coffee. We have been best friends for a very long time, but it is time to say goodbye. We can hang out once in awhile, but not daily. You have been lovely, but it must end. And so day number 1 with no coffee begins.

Money...ugh

I am not a huge fan of money. Money is something I always need and is the main area I struggle to trust in. I have never really lacked anything and God has always provided, but for some reason I still have a hard time. When I decided to come to Missouri, I knew that God would have to provide the money. I knew that I wanted to be debt free and not in place of constant fret while here. I began to pray and at moments I was full of faith, in others I was full of worry. In March I was able to pay my car off and get out of debt, this was huge for me and a sign that God was working everything out. I worked every hour that I could work and I continued to pray about God giving me the money for the three months I would be gone.
Two weeks before leaving I was $1000.00 short of what I needed. I went to work that day to give my boss the money I had made by selling stuff for her, hoping she would give me half, she did. In one afternoon I went from being $1000.00 to $200.00 short, plus travel money. Well, I just kept getting blessed at work. I received two large bonuses within days and I had all the savings I needed. Three days before I left God used two separate couples in my church to provide the travel money I needed. I cried the entire way home that night. I knew this was a sign to me that God wanted me to go and that He would always provide for me. I learned through all of this that if I trust God and submit to walking in faith He will see me through. I just need to keep His faithfulness in front of me instead of fear.
As I look at going home I have a very different outlook. I need about $650.00, to ship my car, and I know that is a small number to God. He has been so faithful why would I ever want to doubt him? I encourage you to look at all the moments God has provided for you, keep them in front of you and always be thankful.

The bugs are back in town

I woke up when I was suppose to be leaving the house this morning, which happens more often than it should, so I was in a mad rush to get ready. I take a quick shower, hop out and am about to brush my teeth when I see it...a bug of DOOM. I try to remind myself that this bug will not hurt me and go to get dressed. After a minute of two I head back to the bathroom to put makeup on and do my hair when I see the biggest nastiest bug of all time. We are taking horror flick kind of bug. This sucker is huge! I jump back a little, my heart is beating and I run and grab the broom (see previous bug blog). I start my sneaky approach, hit the broom down and it LEAPS at me. I freak out, run away and than whack at it again and again it leaps at me. Now it is out of the bathroom, so I figure it is best to finish up. With one eye on the bug and one on the task at hand I spot another bug. This one it sitting by the sink and I leave it, figuring it is best to not start another war I don't have time to finish. Only now I am standing about 6 feet away from the sink trying to get ready (very difficult). I put my makeup on and it the mirror I see another bug in the shower. I am freaking out now and I run out of the bathroom, refusing to ever enter it again. I climb over my bed, because of the first bug I do not want to touch the floor, and grab my bag and off I go. I give the place over to the bugs. These giant, leaping, man eating bugs can have the place.... I come home later and they are spraying for bugs in my room, I am so grateful. In my mind I think, "You may have one this morning, but who's laughing now."

I miss my mom

I am sitting downstairs of my house(in Missouri) and someone is playing the piano upstairs. They are playing old old songs I grew up hearing in church. Songs that I would listen to my dad sing over and over. It makes me think of how truly blessed I am. My parents have given me so much spiritual heritage, so much love and have never turned there backs on me.
As a child I had a wonderful mom who taught me how to pray and love the word of God. I had a dad who taught me how to worship with your whole heart and that its to not be perfect. As an adult I have two parents I could go to for anything and about anything. They support me as I find my own way with God and what His plans are for me. They encourage me to seek HIS very best at all times and to never settle. They have even at times watched me fall on my face, but they let me know it would be ok and I would come out on top.
Yes, my parents are flawed. They, like all parents, made mistakes while raising us. I am sure they have list of "if I could do this over..." But God used them despite the flaws to raise my sisters and I to love God, to love His word, and to live always for Him. For that I am very grateful.
So mom and dad...thanks... I love you
Katie Marie

Friends

Friends are a funny thing. Some come into your life for a season, some for life, some are fun friends that you just hang with, some are encourager's, others are who you turn to in crisis and on a rare occasion you meet a friend that is all of the above. In my life I have had many different kinds of friends and to be honest I have had some really bad friends. Friends that seem to suck the life out of you rather than give it, but God has used those friendships to teach me how to love deeply, whether of not you are loved in return.
At home I am very blessed with an amazing family, my mom and my sisters are my best friends in the world and I could tell them anything. I also have three great friends, whom I love very much. Chrissy and Maria and my friend Rachel in Brazil, whom I talked to today.... the list goes on and on.... I am blessed. Unfortunately, I could not bring any of them to Missouri with me, so I had no one. On the first day of commission I met a wonderful girl named Ellisa. She and I clicked. In fact we clicked so well people have asked in we are related, if we came together, and how long we've been friends, I have known her less than a week. I believe that God has given her to me and me to her as a gift. It is rare you meet someone that you are so comfortable with that you feel like you've know them forever, but that is what we have. I am so grateful to know her and I hope our friendship continues to grow.
No matter what comes from a friendship, whether it be good or bad, love the way God does, forgive the way HE does, and speak truth the way HE would.
PROVERBS 17:17,PROVERBS 27:6

Killer Bugs

In Missouri I have discovered a whole new world of bugs that I never knew about. They have cicada's, which are loud day and night, tons of crickets and just nasty bugs. Well, the other morning I was getting ready to leave the house and there was a huge bug in my room. I am not talking kinda big here, it was HUGE!!! I have to sneak up on it and kill it with broom...only it did not die at first it lived through the first few blows and tried to escape, but I caught it. Tonight I was on the phone and a bunch of these same bugs were in the garage... I think they was revenge! Yikes!!! So if I get eaten by bugs...Jenn and Steph- you can share my car, because it is the only thing I have that is worth anything....

From the ends of the earth

Today I went out to lunch with a very large group from the Commission program. I sat at a table with a couple from Jamaica, a woman from Hong Kong, a woman from Canada, a woman from California who is moving to Israel, and myself from Oregon. As we sat together sharing our stories of how we ended up in Kansas City, what God had down to bring us there, I was in awe. All of us from different places, in different seasons of life, yet we all had the yerning to set aside a season to prayer and focus on the Lord. I wanted to cry at the wonder of Gods hand. I sat there knowing these are the very people I will spend eternity with and it is such an honor. I am just awe struck by Gods greatness at this moment. Wow. That is all I can say.

Test it out

Well, after I was at the prayer room for awhile today I became very curious about this dancing business. I know that people danced before the Lord, and I know people still do today. I have just always viewed it as strange. Today when I was watching people it did not seem so strange it seemed freeing. That is when I decided to test it out for myself. So I went home (trust me when I say I should never dance in public) to give it a try. I felt so awkward as I turned off the lights in my room and turned on a worship song, but I close my eyes and started to sway. Than I pictured myself holding the hand of God, us dancing together and I finally forgot about it being weird. It was a beautiful personal moment of dancing with God. I felt so free. I am not saying that I want to dance in front of people, or that I don't still find it odd at times, but I do see that when done in the right heart it can be beautiful.

My Thoughts (a more serious side)

I have been a Christian the majority of my life. I would like to say I have some understanding of who God is and what His word teaches. Today I realized how little understanding I do have. I do not say that in a condemning way, I am just beginning to understand how much more He is.
I was in the prayer room (IHOP) today and I had a God moment. I was standing there singing “break the chains the hinder me, the chains of yesteryear” and I realized how bound I was. I heard God so clearly say, “Katie, if you will let me break the chains of who you think I am I will set you free.” I began to cry, because I have never known the true beauty of God in my expression of love to Him. I sat back and watched as people danced (a difficult concept for me), sang, lifted hands, cried out in pain, sat in wonder… All to the same God for the same purpose of expressing there feelings to a God who hears. I even watched as a disabled man danced from his wheel chair in worship. I knew in that moment, that God had given that freedom of expression in singing, I just choose to hold back a lot of the time.
I began to think how beautiful the church of God would be if we embraced the liberty and freedom of God, in our expression to Him, as well as in our understanding of Him. How great would it be if we would simply lay aside our idea’s of who we think He is or how we think He would respond and truly seek Him out?
I am not saying we should have chaos in the church, I am saying we should have freedom in the church. We respect one another, yet we seek true freedom and understanding. My challenge for my own life is to get to know God for who He is… To worship Him, not in the confines of my understanding, but in the liberty of His love. So join me on my search and allow yourself to let go of all you think you know and find out who He is.

Back to School

Today was my first day of the Commission Classes here in KC. I will admit that I was very nervous about going, so I got up early to pray about the day. God was so faithful, because today I had no issue with shyness. I was able to small talk with people and I even made it upstairs in my house. I also made it to the store. All in all today was a day of small victories.
Something I learned today was to take time to meditate on what God is trying to show you in His word. Don't only dwell on the concepts you understand, because you will not get a full picture of who He is. Allow Him to reveal new truths to you in His word and be willing to wrestle your way through them. This may seem basic, but how often do we read the same verses or the same chapters in the bible, because it is what we know? How often do we avoid books because they are hard to understand? Think about it. Are you avoiding a new and great revelation God could be wanting to show you?

Melt Down

Today seemed as though it was going to be uneventful. Woke up and Maria and I headed to the prayer room. Spent some quality time there. Ran to target, went back to the house to get Maria's stuff, back to the prayer room, back to the house to get stuff Maria forgot, and off to the airport. I made sure Maria got checked in said goodbye and headed back to the prayer room. At about 6 I decided it was a good idea to get some grocery's. I plugged in my GPS to get directions to the nearest Wal-Mart and I am on my way. I am thrilled to see it is only found miles from the house... until I pull up to a big empty building. No big deal I can just find another store. GPS gives me another "grocery store" nope this one is closed too. Try to find one that looks decent and realize I don't even know the names of grocery stores down here. So I pick one at random and drive. This one is a mile from my house and...closed... in fact this one has been closed for like a million years because it is a neighborhood and there are no stores to be seen. This is when the melt down occurs. I start to cry. I do not know what to do or where to go and I have no one to ask... I, being the mature adult that I am, turn around head home and decide that today is not a day for grocery's. I will try again another day...maybe.

Mom Jeans

I am from the generation of low rise jeans. They really are a beautiful thing, unless you have muffin tops. Recently I came to a conclusion that it was time to buy jeans that are made for a 26yr old and not a 16yr old. This means not being caught up on the rise of the jeans, but the way the jeans make me look (hiding the muffin tops). So I bought jeans with a higher waste. I call them mom jeans. They sit right below my belly button and look really great. My issue is that I am used to low rise jeans and so all day I have felt like there is something wrong with my pants. I don't love this feeling. I keep wanting to pull them down to my hips, giving me back my muffin tops. I tell ya, getting used to 26yr old pants in hard work. So for now I am not buying any more mom jeans, I will keep my muffin tops.

Update On My Foot

I left this info out of my last blog and I am sure you are all dying to hear about my broken toe. To recap it was the scond day of our journey and I was getting a laptop out of the car and it attacked me and broke my toe. Well, the first two days were rough I was not really able to put much pressure on it without some serious pain and I am talkin' serious hurt. Now I can walk on it for the most part, but it is colors that no foot should ever be. I am very relieved that I can walk fairly normal, seeing as I am about to start an intership I do not want people thinking I walk with a limp all the time and I don't want anyone to ask "what happened" and have to tell them "my foot broke a laptops fall." So all is well with the foot. Except for the color

Made It

Well, we finally made it to Missouri. The last leg of our trip was uneventful, due to exaustion and wanting to be anywhere but the car. We were delirious so everything was funny. After a wonderful night of staying with some family friends we came to my new place. I am living with a very kind family that I do not know. It is hard, because I know I should get to know them, but I feel so shy. I hate the feeling of wanting to be brave and not knowing how. I have walked half way up the stairs and back down about fifteen times now. I have no reason to be intimidated, but I am. Ugh. I am believing that soon I will be bold and this will not be an issue. Until that moment comes I will keep walking up the stairs and eventually have courage enough to stay up there and talk to them.

Rough Day On The Road

It is day number 2 of the great drive to Missouri. After a long overnight drive we decided to sleep a little late (7:30) and only drive to Cheyenne. Now keep in mind Cheyenne is still nearly 500 miles and majority of that is through the mountains. Everything along the way looks exactly the same, dry and Mountainish.

In the beginning of the trip I decided to photograph everything we passed, saw a lake...decided it was the great Salt Lake, saw a town... decided it was a village of Mormans with lots of wives and thousands of children, saw a Lincoln monument...that one was real.

The day was progessing nicely when we decided to stop and use the restroom. This stop was the Lord, because with my coffee loving vision I saw it, STARBUCKS!!! It did not matter how much coffee I had already had, we must go there. So we fill up with gas and head on over. Unfortunatly, this is where the bad luck begins. I order a sweetened ice green tea lemonade, Maria orders a iced white mocha. She ends up with a marble mocha, which is a fancy way of waying a mocha they messed up on and added white chocolate to. I end up waiting and waiting and waiting... finally I get my drink and we are on the road.

As we pull onto the freeway I see a sign that says "wreck up ahead expect two hour delay". This cannot be true there are a total of five other cars on the road, all of which are driving 80+ no way is there going to be traffic... Oh wait signs don't normally lie. We finally hit the traffic 30min down the road. It is at a dead stop everyone out of the cars. Well, I busted out my pillow and layed on the trunk, I walked around, I read a book, I sat staring into the great nothingness, I watched th lady in front of us groom her giant dog(including his manly parts..YUCK)... I waited. Finally, we move...ten feet and than stop for 20 more minutes... Hours later we are moving. Now this is the point that my Saturn proves her greatness. We beat everyone in our path, we owned the road, we had a need for speed... Sophie (my car) was a racer and it was amazing.

At six we get to our hotel, we check in get our key and start unloading, I go and grab Maria's laptop bag and it falls out onto my toe. I drop to the ground scream S@#% , which I would never normally say, and than think oh crap I broke my toe, and the laptop...no just my toe not the laptop. After the wonderful show I put on I manage to stand and walk to the door... What do I see? Giant dogs, like the one in traffic, everywhere. It is a dog show. Weird.

Finally the day ends on a happier note, we go grab some good food and see the awesome cowboy boots... see pic to understand

PS. also chipped the windshield, maria broke her sun glasses, and had a bug fly down my pants

On the Road

I knew that my trip to Missouri was going to be long, exhausting, but it is a road trip with one mymy best friends so I knew memories would be created... I had no idea how many...
The trip started with us leaving at 10:30pm instead of the next morning. We were to excited to sleep anyways so why not drive right??? Well, the reason you should not act on the urge to leave at night is YOU DON'T GET TO SLEEP!!! That's ok though right??? Well...
On our grand adventure I had one energy drink, two coffees, a pop, and water... Maria had an energy drink, red bull, and water... This is when the crazy begins. Maria starts a sentence with "there's understandables" I think the mountain we are driving by looks just like a cow. Maria agrees. In fact we think it looks so much like a cow we talk about it the whole way up the hill, and I point out the ear...oh wait it is a tree... We see a shooting star and almost crap ourselves thinking the sky is falling. Once we realize it is a star we talk about how beautiful it is. We decide cheeito's is the only snack after 2am. We eat a whole bag. At about 5am we hit Boise and things start getting sleepy. We switch drivers four times in a hour.... SO SLEEPY!!! Our brilliant plan...napping...in Wendell Idaho... we start giggling due to lack of sleep and can no long control the word vomit from coming out... everything we say is funny... Finally hit Salt Lake... we smell bad, we have not had a meal in a very long time, and we are on a mission to see Mormon Stuff. We see it, and leave. I am pretty sure they wanted to convert us... Day One Ends with... nap time, dinner, showers, back to bed.