Saturday, November 7, 2009

For Who He Is

I was having a rough day, which happens from time to time. I was thinking about how I must find a place to live when I get home and I was sad. I do not like to make plans that only involve me. I don't like the reality that I am single sometimes. It is hard. It is lonely. I try to convince myself that it is really not that bad, but it never really works. I was looking around at target and it just hit me this overwhelming urge to speak to God, I needed to take care of this feeling before I was completely sad.
I went to my car, turned on worship music, laid the seat back and I began to pour my heart out before the one to understands. I used to struggle with feeling heard by God, but today I knew He heard every word and He cared. I prayed for breakthrough in my life. I prayed that I would remember He is always there and I am never alone. I prayed that He would cause my husband to come and I prayed that this season would finally come to an end. After some time I just sat and listened. I did not hear much, but I felt His comfort. I saw Him picking me up, wiping my tears, and telling me everything was going to be ok. I turned up the radio really loud and I began to sing in the spirit. Soon I began to sing my own song to the Lord.
"I don't want to focus on me, I want to focus on You. O Lord, God of mercy, faithful to the end..."
As I began to worship Him the loneliness that tried to beat me lifted. My circumstances did not visibly change, but my heart did. I see that the less I focus on me the more I have faith for the things God has promised me. I am only beginning to understand this truth, but I love the freedom it has given me. For the first time I can pour everything out before God, knowing He hears. I can say all I need to say and I can leave it with Him. When I have poured everything out I worship Him for who He is and He fills me with faith and hope. He is so good to me.
When you have a hard time tell God. Tell Him everything that is on your heart, He wants to hear. After you let everything out let Him pour back in. He is a God who never changes and His goodness is never ending. He is worth worshipping. Not for what He does, but for who He is.

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