Do you hear?

I woke up at five again. It was the Lord speaking. He has been talking to me a lot lately. His words are clear. I am not sure what to do other than listen and obey. I lay awake with the sinking reality I cannot go back. Before it was easy to live day to day life unnoticed, quiet, and safe. I was "safe" in my apathy so His words were far and few between. I heard little and did little. Now that my heart is awake I want to hear all He says.
My reality is now full of hearing His voice followed active obedience. I am beginning to look like a fool, but I just have to speak. I cannot hold back what He is saying. I must get it out. I am being humbled. The truth is I care what others think, but I cannot escape the Man who owns my heart. His opinion rules me. I must please Him! I must do as He says! With tears streaming down my face I can say with full confidence I would rather be a fool to man than live another day in silence.

Thankful...
206. The voice of the Lord
207. A new faith in my ability to hear
208. Strength to obey.
209. My incredible family
210. A movie with friends
211. Intro to IHOP
212. Sunshine and a beautiful lake

Multitude Monday

My heart is overflowing with all that God is doing. I am about to begin my last week of Intro and I cannot even begin to describe how amazing the last 3 months have been. He has spoken so clearly and I am so excited to see what is next!
196. A fresh touch from God right when I am a the breaking point/
197. Being in a circle of passionate prayer intercessors.
198. My housemates being back! I am not meant to live alone
199. A mom who prays. I am so glad she hears from the Lord
200. Journals...I love connecting with God that way.
201. Deep unto Deep by Dana Candler
202. Girls night!! I am getting my hair cut. woot woot
203. Dreams...crazy good prophetic dreams
204. Smoothies!!!!
205. Another new season beginning.

Sweet Rest

It has been a tough few weeks. It has felt like one battle after another. None of them huge, but all exhausting. I was at a point of pure frustration and desperate for God to move. Unlike the past I have strived to run to God in these times rather than away from Him, but it has been hard.
Yesterday, I got to IHOPU Stundent Awakenng(www.ihop.org) and I was determined to draw near to God. Within a few minutes I was praying with people and having a good time, but I needed to hear from Him. As I continued to press in God began to awaken the desire for prophecy and preaching within my heart and the next thing I know a friend and I are prophesying over each other and being dramatically touched by God. That is when the rest came. As His words washed over me I felt the rest that I had so longed for and the peace that comes after a storm. It was a reminder that I am seen, I am heard, and I am not alone.
I know that we all face different trails some huge and some small, but they are all exhausting. God knows and He will bring rest in the perfect moment.
For those of you who are dying to know, I have water again!

Water Still Gone

It is day number 2 with no water. Yesterday at 6pm a man from the city finally cam to tell me that they broke a pipe, reported it to the wrong company, and it would be another day. At this point I had gotten used to no water. I mean what is inconvient about having to leave the house everytime you have to use the bathroom? So like any other 26 year old I did what had to be done, I sent out a mass text that said,"still no water need to spend the night who wants me?" Eventually I heard back from my friend Jen and stayed there. As I type there are guys outside working on getting me some water. I sure hope it happens soon becuase I have to use the restroom. Ugh.

Water how I miss you.

I am currently living living life without water. Yesterday, the city workers came to fix a problem with the water main and neglected to turn it back on. So I called my housemates, who are out of town, to see what I should do. They called the city and nothing. I called this morning they said they would send someone out it no time. I got back from call and there was still NO WATER!! This is just nasty ok, I mean I am a shower once sometimes twice a day girl, no water is killing me. I decided to call again, this time they inform me that I must be home (hmmm they never metioned that before) and that they had until four. So now I am trapped at my house, with no water until a city worker finally decides to grace me with his presence. All I am saying is life without water is not a life I want to live. Being the stinky kid is not awesome in any way. Welp,that is all that I have from KC today:)
God is always good, even when the water company isn't;)

Quick Note

I just had a quick note to share. Today was a seriously tough day for me. I have been very stressed about a great many things and it has been hard to press through. In all the stress and crying out to God I had a glimmer of hope. Where did this glimmer come from? It came from blessing a friend. Sometimes when I am stressed I realize I need to focus on giving to others, giving out of what God has planted deep with in me... As I helped a friend the peace of God ran over my heart. He is always good and sometimes we must give to see that.

And Then There Was Monday

It has been a very long week. Not a week of all bad, but a week of mostly testing. I feel as though God is using every chance He has to shout "TRUST ME!" When I finally think I have conquered this battle I face another trial, whether it be finances, friends, or life(this week it was all three...ugh.). It is is way of beckoning me closer and I am learning how to respond. I am learning to run to Him with an honest heart, hiding nothing and fully embracing Him, even when I want to hide. All that said even in weeks that are not my favorite God is still good and I am still grateful.
181. The comfort of His WORD
182. Friends that make me laugh
183. Sisters who double as best friends
184. The knowledge the God is a healer and He is never late
185. $20 from a friend that was than given to another friend in serious need.
186. Laughing so hard you can't breathe over something that should be stressful... God can turn just about anything around for joy.
187. Girls night...what would I do without a bunch of food, chick flicks and good ol' girl talk.
188. Learning a seriously awesome game on Monday. Pegs and Jokers rules!
189. Dreams, I may not know what they mean yet, but at least God is speaking.
190. Cantalope...the comfort food of a daniel fast...
191. Misty Edwards Saturday devotional set... ihop.org...check it out
192. Knowing that God is my comfort
193. Knowing that God has a plan
194. Grocery Shopping for less than $25.00...gotta love sales
195. Hearing how proud my nephew was about loosing another tooth

Prayer

I am living in a place known for prayer. I have learned a few things since coming here, but the most important one is that He hears the faith filled and the weak. I have moments of absolute belief that everything He has promised He will do and I have moments of complete insecurity that I will make it through one day. He hears me when I am at my weakest and my prayers consist of "Do you really see me?" He knows that my heart is for Him and He knows I am human and weak.
Prayer can be a funny thing when we try to make it sound just right and fit into a curtain box. The truth about prayer is that it is to be a time of our hearts connecting with His. If your heart is in a weak place why pretend all is well when you pray? I mean He knows my struggles already so why not be honest? He knows that sometimes it is all I can to not break down crying and He knows the days that I have enough faith to carry myself and others.
When we are honest with God it reveals two things. It shows us how much we trust God and where our hearts are. This is not a bad thing it is just a true reflection of our need for Him in every season. He listens to every prayer. Not one word falls to the ground. So be real, He can handle it and He will love you even in the weakness.

Multitude Monday

After a week full of vulnerability and prayer I am finally seeing how God will take away all our comforts until we learn to cling to Him. As I cling to Him I see how much He truly has done for me and how much I have to be thankful for.
171. A sunny day at the lake

172. The joy of spending time with friends

173. Never being to old to have fun.

174. Taking a walk with the Lord and hearing Him speak clearly to my heart.
175. Long talks about nothing with my family
176. A much needed verse given to me by a friend.
177. Peace that only can come from the Lord.
178. A Mom who still will pray with me over the phone.
179. Listening to baby Elli "talk" in the background while speaking with Jenn.
180. A day off today...I need it.

Beautiful Blogger

My lovely Mom gave me the beautiful blogger award, which was very sweet. Unfortunately, I am a little behind in the blog world and only follow like 5 people, but I will fill out the seven random facts about myself.
1. I wanted to be a pediatrician until I dissected a frog in 7th grade. It was so nasty that I knew I could never be a doctor.
2. I won the 8th grade talent show with my two friends. We did a dance to "surfin USA."
3. When I was like 5 I decided to run away from home, but than my mom yelled outside it was time for dinner so I went back.
4. There is no food I dislike more than cream cheese.
5. My favorite song to this day is "I love you Lord." My parents always sang it and it holds great memories.
6. Me and two of my friends slept in the trunk of my car at the beach about 3 years ago.
7. I almost always laugh at my own jokes.
I believe now I am suppose to give this award away... Well, I will give it to...My sisters Jennifer Becker and Stephanie Roscoe. They are both incredible and have great blogs.

No Walls

I have been going through a class called Pure Heart on Tuesday nights. It is a class focused on inner healing and forgiveness. Going into the class nothing came to mind that I needed healing for, but I am smart enough to know there are more layers to your heart than you think. The class and consisted of me crying pretty much every week and dealing with things I thought no longer existed. These last two weeks have been especially hard, because I have had to face walls I have built up to "protect" myself. The funny thing about walls is that we think they protect us, but really they leave us standing alone. As the walls begin to crumble I am feeling vulnerable. I am comforted with the fact that I in my vulnerability Jesus is standing with me, I am no longer alone. The things that were my protection are gone and now the true Protector can take His place in my heart. I may not love feeling vulnerable, but I cannot describe the freedom that comes along with truly relying on God. He is with me, He is good, and I am no longer an island.

Thanks

It is a slow moving Monday. It has been a wonderful day full of accomplishment. I went to the gym, did laundry, cleaned my room, and just chilled. I love getting everything done before the week starts. Thank you Jesus for today!

161. Talking to my Dad on the phone
162. Skyping with Chrissy for a long time
163. My clean room
164. time in Lathrop
165. The bible...it gets better everyday
166. Nacho Libre with friends, it is still so funny.
167. My Dads crazy awesome taste in music that I am currently benefiting from
168. Amazing new friends
169. Elli playing with the owls I made her
170. My family, I am very blessed. I miss you guys!!!