Portland Here I Come!

My three months ends today. I am about to head out the door to our final Commission Class. It is impossible for me to put into words all God has done in my heart. I came here, because I knew it was what God wanted. I had no clue about the class, the people I would live with, or where anything was. Now I am leaving loving my class, the people and anticipating coming back in a month. God has been more than good to me.
In the last few months I have learned to let my guard down. I have learned to trust. Most importantly I have learned the love of God, even in my weakness. I am still changing and I still have a ways to go, but I am in process.
I believe that no matter where we are in live we can have a thriving relationship with God. We can become the people He created us to be and we can do it without strife. We simply have to trust Him. When we do we see that it is all worth it.
I know I am going home changed. I am going home more in love with my God than any other time in my life. I am ready. Thank you God....

A full Heart

I will be in Portland in 2.5 days. My week has been full of renewal meetings, prayer room time, friends, and my visiting family(dad and cousin). As I reflect on all that God has done this week I cannot being anything but grateful. He has dug deep into my heart to make more room for Himself. Old ways of thinking are being torn down layer by layer and I am becoming even more aware of how tenderly He deals with His kids. I love the Lord so much, my heart is so full! I feel so free to believe His good plans for my life. I feel so free to expect the very best. I finally see that His gifts are out of love and they will never disappoint.
81. Gods dealings
82. Tears...God created me to be tender and He has given that back to me.
83. Seeing God touch my dad and greg while they were hear.
84. Laughing so hard you cry. (dad and greg are out of control)
85. God knowing I needed someone to pray for me, even though I was to proud to ask.
86. Good gifts from heaven
87. A journal full of ups and downs
88. Peace
89. Videos of Elli "kissing" her doll
90. Talking to my 6yr old niece and knowing she has already planned a girls day for us

I love Multitude Monday

I cannot believe how much has changed in a weeks time. One thing I am so sure of is Gods perfect timing. He stretches us so that we will trust more and He always comes through. I have seen this time and time again. I have so much to praise God for.
66. His plans and purpose being revealed one step at a time
67. Supportive and amazing parents
68. Gods provision
69. A great time praying with new friends
70. Knowing God made me specifically the way He wanted me
71. Seeing young people free in the Lord
72. All God is doing in Missouri
73. The confidence to speak to God about everything and knowing He hears all my words
74. Freedom from past wounds
75. Cold crisp weather
76. Multitude Mondays, it always is an encouragement to me
77. Talking to Brian about service while he watches over the web
78. Listening to sermons from home
79. My daddy coming to see me and treat me like a queen. I love that guy.
80. Never settling.

Scars

Last night I was at church and I was just feeling down. I was not sure what it was, but there was a heaviness over me. I could not shake it. I asked a girl to pray for me and for the most part it lifted, but I could still sense it. Towards the end of the evening all my friends had gone home and I was sitting surrounded by people I did not know, I asked God to reveal the source of this rejection issue. I wanted to know why I was always feeling second best. Instantly a situation came into my mind where I was hurt by a friend (emotionally, we all know I am buff). I had never connected the two things, but this situation seriously altered my view of myself. I began to sob uncontrollably. I asked God to break it once and for all. As quickly as it came it lifted. The tears dried up and I was free.
Today I woke up feeling free in my heart. Free to trust and free to be myself. I felt worthy and not second class. Sometimes even when we forgive people the scars still cause pain. I know that when I had stitches on my leg the scar hurt for a good year afterwards. When it comes to matters of the heart we need God to come and touch our scars. He must touch those scars so that we do not base every situation on the one time pain. I know that He can do it. He did it for me. Ask him to show you the hidden scars that need healed, He will touch you!

Quick Blog

Quick Update: God is doing incredible things here at IHOP. I am so excited about all He has done even in me. I know that even though I love Him there has been walls up in my heart. I am afraid of being disappointed. God has broken those down this week. I have never been so full of joy in my life. I may not know fully what my life will be, but since taking the step of faith to move here God has been pouring over me. I believe so strongly in the goodness of God!! Even this morning I was reminded of a prophetic word I received years ago about God making my path smooth. He is! I encourage you to submit yourself to the Lordship of Christ, there is no better way to live! May the joy of the Lord find you!
Services at IHOP are free to watch online www.IHOP.org

Obey

For weeks I have been wrestling with what God wants me to do. Truth be told I am not big on leaving my comfort zone. I like things the same. I like living near family. I like going to church and seeing the same beautiful people. I like the routine of work. I like having a sense of whats next.
Being in Missouri has been the opposite of comfort. I came knowing only the Groves who are an hour away. I had to learn how to live just me and God. It was so difficult, but I knew God was preparing me. I knew the first time I came here I would end up here one day. I applied for Commission at the leading of God and I thought I would go and than return to comfort, but God has other plans for me. He knows that more than I love comfort I love to please Him. I want to live for Him no matter what that means. For this current season it means another leap of faith. It means returning home for the holidays only to come back. It means staying until God says move. It means making friends all over again. It means growing even more in my passion for God. He is faithful, He always has been. I am not affraid of being uncomfortable because I have seen the beauty it draws out.
So I am doing it.... I am going to move.... I am going to leap... I am going to obey...

It's Monday!!

This weekend I learned two important things. On Saturday I was feeling lonely, which lead to an awesome prayer time. I left that time knowing God was with me in every situation. On Saturday night and Sunday afternoon God blessed me with an amazing time with friends, new and old. I walked away from the weekend reassured in my heart of Gods tender heart towards me. I also learned that He is worth it everyday, whether good or bad. I have so much to be thankful for.
44. Friends new and old
45. My mom who has taught me the joy of serving God
46. Switch- I love that ministry so much and I know God has good things for it.
47. The tenderness of God
48. The joy of worship
49. Lunch with people from across the world
50. Going to a movie with the Groves
51. I am thankful God has kept me healthy this season
52. Text messages from my dad. It still cracks me up that he texts
53. God being so kind that He will take away anything that hinders our love
54. That fact that people come from around the world just to pray
55. Hope for tomorrow
56. Coffee
57. The encouragement of a true friend. Chrissy I love you:)
58. Fresh revelation on the book of James
59. The whole bible...even though reading through Leviticus is a little difficult it is cool to see how clear God makes things for the Children of Israel just so he can be near them.
60. Abby coming downstairs yesterday to tell me all about the zoo
61. My niece thinking I am the best seamstress in our family (wrong)
62. The freedom to worship in America
63. Letters in the mail from friends
64. Cereal- The worlds best snack
65. Gods guidance

Updates/Prayer

I am entering into the last few weeks of my time in Missouri. I cannot believe how quickly time has flown by. It has been so life changing and I know more is to come. As I approach the reality of going home I am left wondering what is next. I am not sure what God has for me. I know the things I am called to, but only God knows how and where they will come to pass. I have a heart for my home and I have a heart for here. Yet, I am not worried about tomorrow.
One thing I have learned very clearly in life is that when you honestly trust fully in God and submit to Him, He will guide you. Sure I may have no clue what next year will bring, but I do know God is guiding me. I know that when I get home I have the tools to flourish in God. I know that whatever God has me do this year it is going to be good. So in all the uncertainty I am smiling. I know God and He is good.
I am praying that in my remaining time here God will speak to me clearly two things.
1. What is it you want me to bring to Portland?
2. What is the next step?
I ask that if you read this blog you pray the same things for me. I believe with all my heart God will show me. Please comment anything I can pray for you about in my remaining time at IHOP.

For Who He Is

I was having a rough day, which happens from time to time. I was thinking about how I must find a place to live when I get home and I was sad. I do not like to make plans that only involve me. I don't like the reality that I am single sometimes. It is hard. It is lonely. I try to convince myself that it is really not that bad, but it never really works. I was looking around at target and it just hit me this overwhelming urge to speak to God, I needed to take care of this feeling before I was completely sad.
I went to my car, turned on worship music, laid the seat back and I began to pour my heart out before the one to understands. I used to struggle with feeling heard by God, but today I knew He heard every word and He cared. I prayed for breakthrough in my life. I prayed that I would remember He is always there and I am never alone. I prayed that He would cause my husband to come and I prayed that this season would finally come to an end. After some time I just sat and listened. I did not hear much, but I felt His comfort. I saw Him picking me up, wiping my tears, and telling me everything was going to be ok. I turned up the radio really loud and I began to sing in the spirit. Soon I began to sing my own song to the Lord.
"I don't want to focus on me, I want to focus on You. O Lord, God of mercy, faithful to the end..."
As I began to worship Him the loneliness that tried to beat me lifted. My circumstances did not visibly change, but my heart did. I see that the less I focus on me the more I have faith for the things God has promised me. I am only beginning to understand this truth, but I love the freedom it has given me. For the first time I can pour everything out before God, knowing He hears. I can say all I need to say and I can leave it with Him. When I have poured everything out I worship Him for who He is and He fills me with faith and hope. He is so good to me.
When you have a hard time tell God. Tell Him everything that is on your heart, He wants to hear. After you let everything out let Him pour back in. He is a God who never changes and His goodness is never ending. He is worth worshipping. Not for what He does, but for who He is.

A WOW DAY

There are days when God uses someone to communitacte so clearly what He is speaking all you can say is "wow".  That is what happend to me today in class.  Currently we are studying the book of James and how to become a end time messanger.  One of the keys to the book of James is the combining of faith and works.  We are living in a "do good" society.  It is trendy to help the poor and needy.  The word justice is tossed around in and out of the church.  As the church we are to be set apart from the world so how in the area of justice can we do that?
Today the teacher said something that answer the question of how.  He said, "When you feed the poor and it does not lead to the message of Jesus you are setting the stage for the anti-christ system."  When I first heard that I was shocked!  How could this be true?  He went on to explain that during the end times the anti christ will rise up to the cry of peace peace.  He will help the needy, do miracles, and being seemingly good.  He will do all this to proclaim himself as god.   If we are to be different faith and works must be hand in hand.  We must always "do good" with a message to back it up.  Everything should point to one man, Jesus Christ.  If we are truly going to address the world issues and start a revolution we must first awaken our faith and remember that it is not just works and it is not just faith, it is both that will change society.  It is both that the world needs in order to be saved.

Peace

One of my favorite shows is the Gilmore Girls. It is a show full of crazy people all living in the same small town. Tonight a clip from that show popped into my head that I want to share. In this particular show Luke (main dude) is talking to his well meaning, but nutty sister about life philosophy. His sister has recently decided that she is going to live by a new life motto "come what may." She goes onto explain that this means no matter what happens, "come what may" let it happen. If a bus is about to hit you let it hit you. Luke tries to explain to her why this is a bad idea, but to no avail. She continues on in her "come what may" thinking.
Often in my life I have a "come what may" thinking when it comes to relationships. Drama, fighting or disagreement starts and all the sudden my back bone disappears. I can no longer speak, I just want to agree so that what the drama can end. I want to keep the peace. I am a drama hating, "come what may," peace keeper. The problem with this is I don't serve a drama free, "come what may" God. He is quite the opposite.
God is so passionate about upholding righteousness He turns the tables in the temple, He calls Peter satan, He uses the term brood of vipers regularly. He has a serious back bone and He is not about being a peace keeper. He is a peace maker. Recently, we studied the B attitudes and one thing that resonated in my spirit was the difference between a peace maker and a peace keeper. A peace keep is someone who will to anything to stop the drama and make everyone happy. A peace maker is the person willing to search for the root of the issue, even when it stirs the pot, in order for peace to dwell.
In relationships we are given to options to be peace keepers or peace makers. We can tell people what they want to hear or what God needs them to hear. I am not saying go out and speak everything that is on your mind. That is just dumb. What I am saying is that if you want a life full of meaningful relationships you have to be willing to speak up from time to time and sharpen one another. You have to be willing do go through the ugly process of making peace rather than keeping peace.
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God."

Ode to Musicals

I love musicals. I love that people break into song in the middle of talking. I love that everyone knows how to sing and dance. I love that everyone knows the same songs. I just love that they seem so far from reality. In musicals you never have to wonder what people are feeling, because they sing it.
I love to sing. If it was not frowned upon I would break out in song while talking to people. I would sing to them everything that is on my mind. Unfortunately, life is not a musical. Life is talking and wondering what in the world people are thinking. Life with God on the other...
Life with God is my musical. It is the one time I am able to sing everything I am thinking, feeling and wanting to say. He sings over me and I sing to Him. He sings songs of love and I sing them back. We know the words to all the same songs. We have one heart. With God I can burst into a chorus and it makes Him smile. His songs always start with love. My songs have questions, but His are full of reassurance. Our musical is beautiful and I love it.

Monday monday

What a beautiful weekend. I spent the weekend with the Groves. I have known the Groves since I was 15ish and they are family through and through. This week I was missing my family a lot so I decided to go visit the Groves. We have a weekend full of bonfires, sleeping late, monoploy, a walk in the woods, and laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. It was a beautiful. I am glad to be back in Kansas City and I am ready to go to the prayer room this afternoon, but first my multitude of thanks!

33. Family- whether blood related or not

34. My bro-in-laws. They are so nice. They call to check in and I love them

35. Weekends off that include God.

36. The beauty of Gods faithfulness

37. Talking to my friend Rachel as if nothing in life has changed since we met 8 years ago.

38. Taking a walk in the woods and enjoying Gods creation

39. The sunshining through my window

40. Worship music

41. TrueLife

42. beauty of God

43. I am so thankful that today we are going to begin our study on the book of James