My monday blog on Tuesday

It was one of those days that i felt completely raw on the inside. You could have said anything to me and I would have cried. It was a moment of knowing God wanted more of me and I did not have any clue how to give it. I was in a place of longing for more of Him, but not knowing how to be open and let walls fall. I met with a friend and just allowed my heart to speak. In the end I realized it was time to truly let Him closer. He was longing to unlock another door inside my heart, but i had to let Him close to do it. After speaking with a friend I went and just cried and let the tears wash over me. I read about the dedication of those in the bible and cried more. I let Him so close that it hurt, but I knew it needed to happen. When I let my guard down He met me. He brought gentle correction and comfort. He did not disappoint, He was good.
151. Friends who push you toward God
152. A fun homemade blanket from Chrissy...She is the sweetest friend ever
153. Tears of change
154. Powerful times in prayer
155. Being challenged to push for more and not be satisfied with the little.
156. A wonderful intro family who had me over for breakfast and always make sure I am ok.
157. Making ridiculous videos with friends just because we can
158. Talking to Jenn on the phone and hearing Elli in the back ground
159. Awakening services that words can't discribe
160. Friends who love me so much and don't make me walk when my car in dumb.

Focus

The tears fell down my face as I realized how much I go after earthly things. I long for God, but I long for the things of this world too. It is the constant battle of flesh and spirit. I want more of God and I want fleshly stuff. The more I seek hunger and righteousness, the more I see the wickedness of my flesh. I see how little I truly put into my relationship with God and it breaks my heart. I cannot help but wonder what my life would be if I fully gave myself over to the Saviour of my soul. What if I truly abandon myself to Him? What would my life be like? All I know is I want my focus to be fully on Him. I want to be His and His alone. I want to let go of my dreams and desires for His. I want to fight my sinful flesh. I want to fight against myself to draw near to my Beloved. I know that it is worth it.
Lord, help me to persevere in my pursuit of You. Let me never be content where I am. Let me never settle. Give me dove's eyes for You. Become my life's obsession. Let all I am be found in You. Amen

good times

A year ago today my beautiful niece Elliana Valentine was born. Happy Birthday Elliana!
Anyways... I have much to be thankful for today...
141. Elli
142. My nephew calling to say he missed me
143. My nephew telling me he met the tooth fairy and that the tooth fairy has wings and a blue shirt.
144. Maudi always wanting to chat anytime I call
145. The best valentines ever:) Just check out the pics




146. hearing God when you need it most
147. blessing of good friends
148. slumber parties
149. flowers from my best friend
150. a valentine from my mommy and daddy:)

Home Sick

Today was Elliana's first birthday and I am in Missouri. It was a good day, but hard to be here and not Portland. I realize that serving God comes with some sacrifice and this is one for me. I know it is a small thing, but it is tough. The thing that keeps me going when I am home sick is knowing that I am serving Him with purpose. I may not be with my niece on her birthday, but she will know that I love her, but most importantly that I love God. I pray that she sees through my life that God is worth absolutely everything and that He is always good. It is in the small sacrifices and the letting go that God shines through... Happy Birthday Elliana Valentine! You are a beautiful blessing to our family. May you grow to love Jesus all the days of your life... I love you so much.

Jeremiah 29:11

In every new journey with God there is a new level of trust that must be developed. Trust that you are on the right track, trust that He will be there in you fall, trust that He will provide, and trust that He will speak when it is time to move on. When I came to Missouri in September I had all the money, the place, the job waiting back home, and a clear plan. When I came back in January I had God, the support of my church, little money and no clue what I was going to do long term. I trusted He had me come back, but I had a hard time trusting in every other area. The longer I am here and this season of change the more I can feel the pull to fully let go. He is beckoning me to let Him lead in all areas, but it is hard. I want a plan. I want to know what next month will hold, but He wants me to be able to follow His leading without the clear plan. He is beckoning and I am beginning to let go. I am seeing now that walking back faith is only possible if you trust the one you are walking with. He sees even when we don't.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts I think toward you," declares the Lord, "thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you a future and a hope."

My Valentines

This year for Valentines I will be in Missouri hanging out with friends, but three people have my heart so I posted my favorite pics of my Valentines.

Smiles

I am sitting at a coffee shop with my head phones in, coffee in hand, watching it snow. I should be studying my Revelation notes for a quiz on Thursday, but my brain can hold no more information. I am sitting here with a cheesy grin on my face, I am happy. You cannot study Revelation and be anything but thankful for all Jesus has done for us. He has given us a road map so clear that we should have no doubt that He is on our side and will guide us. What a joy it is to be living in this generation! I live knowing I could very well see the return of Christ! This very revelation used to terrify me, but now it brings a smile to my face. My heart knows the love of Christ and longs to dwell with Him. He is just so good!! Anyways... I have a lot to be thankful for so lets get to it...
121. Revelation Study Guide by mike Bickle...helpful
122. True deep rooted Joy
123. Loving where I am and not feeling like I have to have my life figured out.
124. Suprise coffee date with a new friend
125. Super Bowl Party
126. Realizing Jesus loves me for me and not for what I do
127. Realizing I love Jesus for who He is and knowing I will have eternity to discover His heart
128. itunes gift cards from my christmas stocking...new music rules
129. My parents... I really just love them and the more I hear others stories the more I see how blessed I am.
130. Chinese food with Julia
131. Lorens brother thinking my name really was Stewart Katie and not Katie Stewart
132. Getting lost in the airport parking lot for 30 minutes looking for my car with Loren and Adam.
133. Sledding with Loren running into a bush and being "rescued" by Adam, which resulted in Him crashing into us and making the whole situation worse...lol
134. Silly inside jokes with friends
135. Sisters! Mine are better than yours just deal with it:)
136. Roxy driving me around because driving in the snow freaks me out.
137. Not getting the cold everyone else has!
138. Americano with half n' half
139. My mom knowing more about Blogs than me and changingmy page...isn't it nice?
140. The life God has given me...He is just so good!!!