Gems

It has been awhile. It seems as though I have had a season of silence. Many questions have risen in my heart, but some much needed clarity has been given too. As I type this blog I am just beginning to understand what God is doing in my life. I live a seemly normal life. I do not have much when you look at me. I work a normal job and I live Ina normal house. I am not rich, but I don't go without. What people don't see is my heart. My passion to please God and live fully in His will. People who know me know I constantly fight to figure out what God could possibly have in store for me. Today I can see clearly. I know just what God is doing in me. He is chipping away at me. What do I mean??? I am seemly normal but inside me is a gem of beauty. A gem that reflects the beauty of God. He is chipping away the ugly parts and even though I am a flawed gem He calls me lovely and calls me His. My life is normal but God is reflected in me. That is who I am. It is not easy when God is at work, sometimes it hurts but I know it is good and I would not trade it.

Mexico and Back

It was a month ago when Jody (bro in law) called me and asked if I would consider going with a team to Mexico. He had just been feeling like this might be something God wanted for me to do. Within a week I had the time off, a prophetic word about going and two supporters! Crazy miracles were happening!! So off to Mexico!!
I was in Juarez, Mexico with a team of 8 people for 5 days. I went in knowing only my bro Jody and a guy I had known as a kid, but not seen in nearly a decade. I was nervous to say the least, but with in five minutes of meeting everyone we were a team, a family. We built, prayed, preached, played and had a great time. I have so much to say about Mexico, but not the words at this time. Soon though:)
To all who supported me in prayer and finacially THANK YOU!!! God is doing great things!

FIrst 2011 Blog

The New Year has begun with a lack of blogging on my part. It has seemed as though time is flying and I am running to catch up. I am unsure of how to begin. My desire for 2011 is a whole hearted pursuit of God and what is next for my life. I never want to settle, but continually challenge myself to grow.
Some battles from 2010 have tried to creep in and I have fought them off in my own strength, failed, and had to release them to the Lord again. I remember that it is the same enemy, with the same tricks, trying to trap me into a very second rate existence. Luckily, it is also the same God, with unchanging love and strength, fighting for me. He is good.
This being said what will 2011 hold for me?? Is a move in my future or a deeper planting in KC?? Missions? Church Planting? Houses of Prayer? What is in store for me?!? Honestly, I have no clue. I am learning to wait for open doors and right timing. This is not easy for me. I want a clear word from God saying, "GO HERE NOW". Let me tell you this has not happened yet. What has happened is new opportunities being laid before me. I have entered a new season filled with grace and open doors. Through prayer I know that I will walk through the correct doors and He will close the wrong ones. I am so excited to see what is next!! It is a thrill to know that God has a plan and is the one in control. The seasons have changed and good things are coming for me, for my life.

Beauty In Freedom

Last year I made a list of things I wanted to see the Lord do. The list had personal things about going on a date to deep spiritual things I wanted for me or for my family. It was a pretty good list, but not totally realistic. But it got me thinking and prayer about where God was taking me, which was the whole point. As I sat in the prayer room today I started thinking about 2011 and what I wanted to see happen, but more so what the Lord wanted for me. He gave me one phrase. BEAUTY IN FREEDOM. 2010 was a year of letting go for me. Letting go of control, dreams, hurts, the past, and false identity, but 2011 will be abut freedom.
Freedom only comes with sacrifice and that has been this year. I have walked away from all I know, because I believe that there is a a beauty in the freedom of Christ. I believe it is worth fighting for and worth moments of pain. I know that God brings us to a wilderness so that we can see we need to hold on to nothing but Him. He knows that when we fully let go we are able to enjoy true freedom. He has stripped me of so much comfort. He has marked me like never before and it has hurt. He has done this so that I can enjoy freedom on a level I've never known. I am so excited because I can see true beauty on the horizon. It is going to be good!!
As I begin to write out my new goals for 2011, I will write without hindrance knowing that I am free to believe. I am free to trust in old promises and free to believe for new ones. Believe for the beauty of freedom in 2011.

Quick Update

Readers,
The last few months of my life have been a rollercoaster. There has been so many twists and turns I have not known what to do. I have struggled with feeling depressed and questioned just about every area of my life. One thing that has not changed is the consistant love of God. He has been patient and kind. He has allowed me to feel and not rushed me to be ok. He provided an amazing circle of people so full of encourgament, that I knew I was not alone. Most of all He set me free. Everything in my life is not perfect. I have make choices every day to walk in freedom and to stop the negative thoughts when they start, but I am no longer stuck in the hole of darkness. As always I can see that no matter how bad things seem we serve a very good God who will never leave or forsake us.
Never Giving Up,
Katie

Now What??

I have walked through my own personal hell in the last month. I have not known what to do or even how to pray. I have cried and talked until I have nothing left to say. So now what?? When plans change, when disappointment is still fresh, when you can't even remember the exact desicion or moment that landed you where you are what do you do?? How do you get up? How do you move on? What comes next? How do you allow yourself the chance to feel the pain, yet not dwell in the pain? Now what?
I am not sure I know the answer to these questions. I am not sure what is next other than getting up. Once again standing up and moving forward. Trying to hear once again what the Lord is speaking. Remembering who I really am... Now what??? I am not sure, but I hope to figure it out.

More Rambles

He knows my heart is for Him, yet I still have so many questions. All He is offering at this moment is a silent embrace. He is listening to my fears, concerns, emotions, and false accusations. When I am so mad at Him, He stays with me. When I am so mad at myself He hears me. He is not afraid of my feelings, even though I am. He knows me. He knows I want to be pleasing, but struggle to know how. He knows me well, even when I don't know myself. We are moving forward together. It is a slow journey right now. I am limping a little, but He is picking me up. He is not leaving me behind. He is patient, He is my friend. He is silent, but He will speak when it is time for me to hear. He knows me. He knows me well.