Venting

I struggle against my own emotions more than anything else in life. I feel very deeply about everything and than feel bad about having all those feelings. As you can imagine this is a very exhausting circle. With all these feelings I am also plagued with a guilt of expressing them, so I hold a lot inside until I get sick. Also exhausting. In an effort to be released from this most exhausting experience I will now take a few minutes to ramble.
When I moved to Missouri I had grand pictures of everything falling into place, going on staff at IHOP, getting married (or at least going on a date) and moving forward. I have been here a year and none of this has happened. I have questioned, wondered, second guessed, yelled, screamed, repented, prayed, not prayed... I have done all I can think of to do on my own. It has totally SUCKED!! This year has been more difficult than any other season, which is saying a lot because I have faced my share of less than joyous times. I have absolutely NO CLUE what the Lord is trying to bring to surface, but I have a feeling it is some major life lesson that I will be very grateful for. In the mean time I am done being alone. I am done crying alone and done feeling alone. Life is not easy! It is hard. I have left everything, lost close friends, taken a job making no money, and live 2000mi away from my family. I have done all of this because I believe God has called me to great things and this is part of my journey. A journey that is still every unclear to me.
All this being said I want to make one thing very very clear. I am not someone to give up, pack my car and run when things are tough. If I was I would have done that months ago. I am going to fight until I figure out what the Lord is doing and saying. I am going to stay until another door opens. I am going to be honest about it being difficult. BUT I AM GOING TO GET MY VICTORY!! I did not move here to be overcome by the fight, I moved here for breakthrough and I will see it!!! So to the 12 people who are reading this rant STAND WITH ME!! It is time for a new chapter.
Thanks
Katie