Now What??

I have walked through my own personal hell in the last month. I have not known what to do or even how to pray. I have cried and talked until I have nothing left to say. So now what?? When plans change, when disappointment is still fresh, when you can't even remember the exact desicion or moment that landed you where you are what do you do?? How do you get up? How do you move on? What comes next? How do you allow yourself the chance to feel the pain, yet not dwell in the pain? Now what?
I am not sure I know the answer to these questions. I am not sure what is next other than getting up. Once again standing up and moving forward. Trying to hear once again what the Lord is speaking. Remembering who I really am... Now what??? I am not sure, but I hope to figure it out.

More Rambles

He knows my heart is for Him, yet I still have so many questions. All He is offering at this moment is a silent embrace. He is listening to my fears, concerns, emotions, and false accusations. When I am so mad at Him, He stays with me. When I am so mad at myself He hears me. He is not afraid of my feelings, even though I am. He knows me. He knows I want to be pleasing, but struggle to know how. He knows me well, even when I don't know myself. We are moving forward together. It is a slow journey right now. I am limping a little, but He is picking me up. He is not leaving me behind. He is patient, He is my friend. He is silent, but He will speak when it is time for me to hear. He knows me. He knows me well.

finally

It is the middle of the night and I am wide awake. I have been through some intense stuff this last month. Friend stuff, car stuff, injury stuff. It has not been easy for me, but today I did it. What you may ask??? I actually stood up and said, "enough". I tapped into all those stuffed emotions and figured out what I needed for a change. I feel like I can breathe again!! It really is a good feeling. I am not sure how everything will unfold in the upcoming weeks, but I am sure it'll all be fine. After all when things seem to be at the worst God breaks in. Welp, I must keep this short because My left hand is hurt and typing is a very difficult task.