back in KC

I have spent the week job hunting and trying to find my place here at IHOP. After days of sitting at coffee shops filling out endless applications I am taking a moment to blog. I would love to share that since I returned to KC everything in my life has unfolded according to plan and is perfectly wonderful, but that is not the case.
Life has continued to throw me curves and I am still learning how to let God navigate and not freak out and take over. I can honestly say that this has lead to some very intense and very honest dialog with God. Realizing that God hears my prayers is one thing, but realizing He hears my whining and rants about how I have no clue what He is thinking is another. As I become honest (perhaps for the first time) with God, the daily burdens become less. It is much easier to lay down what is so heavy on my heart, when I know God fully understands how it makes me feel. He is my comfort and my guidance and I am beginning to understand what it means to never be alone. There are a lot of unknowns in my life at this moment, but God has figured them out and I am pretty sure He'll tell me what I need to know at just the right moment.

Mom

My Mom
Sitting on her lap in our giant brown rocking chair singing songs to Jesus I learned how to Praise. Watching her daily sit with her bible, tears running down her cheeks, I learned how to soak in the Word. Daily being pulled aside before school for prayer, I learned to pray. Hearing her tell the weirdest jokes, I learned how to laugh. She taught me to cook, clean, have fun, love and stand on my head. She gave me so much, including her face! To my twin aka Mom. I love you! Happy Mothers Day!

deep breath

*deep breath* I am not alone. I am not standing alone in this life just trying to make it. I am fully guided, passionately loved, and always wanted by a wonderful MAN. Jesus has never left me and He has never stopped leading me. It is easy in the face of trial to feel alone and feel defeated. It is easy to give up, but who is our guide?
At the age of four I committed my life to Christ. Since that day I have been guided by Him. He has lead me out of trials brought on by life and ones I willing walked into. Today He is guiding me through a wilderness of emotion. He hasn't left me and He is ok with all my questions. I am feel Him here. I know He has a plan. I know He holds me up. I remind myself to take a deep breath and remember I am His. I have a good life, even if it is different than I thought. I have a million things to smile about and I know true joy. After all things never really are as bad as they seem.

Answers

Sometimes answers come when you least expect them too. It happens in the blink of an eye and a long time question is made clear. The clarity hits and you are left trying to figure out what to do next. Sometimes it leaves you questioning what you heard in the first place. Sometimes with clarity comes a dozen more questions that need to be answered. And somtimes with clarity comes tears.
Tears of not understanding why, but knowing God has a plan. Tears of feeling like you are exactly where you should be, but not sure what way to turn. Tears of knowing you have to speak when it is the last thing you want to do. Tears of loosing what was once a pretty fun dream. Tears of releaf...knowing you at least know you heard something...
God has a plan for me and it is good. I am just figuring out what good looks like in my story.

Clarity

Clarity, clarity, clarity. The one thing I am always praying for and the one thing I always seem to be lacking is clarity. Clarity on what is next, clarity on life, clarity in every area of who I am. I pray constantly and I know He is guiding me, but must it always be a mystery? Does God at some point tell you out right what is next? If He does tell you whats next, will He follow that up with instructions on how to get there? I know that He guides my every step, but I am still have tendence to question and wonder. What does tomorrow hold?? Am I making the best choices?? Am I truly being led by God??
The fact of the matter is I have very little clarity on what tomorrow holds. I have no clue about a great many things in life, but I know He is with me. I know He has kept me safe and rescued me from some pretty huge messes. I know that clarity will come in His time and that He will not be rushed. I know that whatever He has for me He will provide for. I know that He is ok with my questions. He knows I am not great with suprises and I like plans. He has the best in store for me. I am just suppose to trust and follow one day at a time.

Monday...woot woot!

What a great week full of amazing times.
266. Movie night before flying to Portland
267. Arriving home to a lunch with family
268. Coffee with my BFF

269. A few days at the beach

270. Jim and Patty's coffee with Jenn and Elli





271. Dessert party at Greg and Mindy's


272. God building my faith in the area of provision
273. An amazing service at TrueLife
274. Movie night with Steph
275. An incredible time reading the word and knowing God speaks we just have to listen.

Gate 41

I am waiting to board the plane to Portland. I have not slept at all. I am sitting here excited to be home, but wondering what in the world is going on in my life here. I am in a time of transition and finding my place. I am figuring out my role at IHOP-KC and many other things too. I am learning how to trust God even when it is difficult. I am learning when to speak up and when to hold back. I am learning that no matter how old you are life is a mystery. I am not sure what will happen when I return to KC in two weeks, but I know that God will show me. He always speaks clearly in His timing.
Lord~
In every area of my life bring clarity.
Amen