So Far...

My life is changing. If you have been reading my blog you will be able to see that it has become different. That is because I came to Missouri desperately seeking to know the God I serve. I don't ever want my walk to be a ritual. I want to have a relationship of passion. Since I have been away it is as if my spirit has come alive. For the first time I understand how wonderful searching the scripture is. I am catching small glimpses of Gods beauty and love. I am finding confidence in His love and in His desire for me. My prayer is that I never forget how simple loving God is. I want to go home with this love so deep in my heart, I want it to be the driving force of my life. I want to be able to share with others the simplicity of letting God love you. I know that I am richly blessed to be here and I pray that I am able to bring this back to others. If you are in a place of ritual or routine let God love you. Begin to proclaim His love over your life. It may take time, but soon it will penetrate your heart. Sing His love over you. It will change your life.

Love

It is as if I am meeting You for the first time. I have known you all my life, but it is my heart that longs deeply for You now. How could I have not seen Your tenderness towards me? You have been cheering me on all along. You have loved me even in my darkest state. Even when I was running from You, Your love was for me. Your eyes have always been on me. When I was in my lowest state, You loved me, You liked me, You wanted me. I see a glimpse of Your love now. When we are talking I feel all I can say is " I love you too." Those words are so small, but You are ravished by them. Let me not forget this love so sweet. Let me always live with my eye's locked on You.
"Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved and this is my friend..." Song of Solomon 5:16

Delight

I am a delight to God. I am a delight to Him with all my flaws, insecurities, sins, imperfections, and wrong concepts. I am such a delight to Him that He sings songs of love to me. I am His cherished treasure. I am more than people see in me. I am the bride of a holy and righteous King. He delights in me when I am walking tall and when I am falling down. There is nothing I could do, say, act, or be to make Him love me more. He loves me in full perfection where I am right now. He sings over me the most beautiful song. He sings, "I enjoy you the way that you are, where you are. I love who you are. The mistakes that you've made, the disappointments and pain; I AM washing way." Our song is one of mercy and grace. His love is not conditioned on me. I am flawed and He is aware and when I let Him close He washes the flaws away with His tender touch. He washes me with words so sweet. No man will ever love me as He does. His gaze is set on me. In all I do He is watching. He does judge my actions, but He deals with me so tenderly. His touch is gentle and kind. He knows me. Yes, I am a delight to God. I am the love of His heart. This is me. This is who I am, what I am, and what I am becoming.
God is changing my life. He can change yours too. Let Him speak His love over you.

Coffee

Coffee! I love it and I hate it. Coffee is my one true addiction. I need it. At least that is how I live my life. I wake up, I make coffee, I shower, I drink coffee. I mean I love coffee. I will drink it with creamer or without, sweet or not. I just really need my daily coffee. My issue with coffee is that it is a cruel friend. When I neglect coffee it beats me up with a huge head ache. It is down right mean. My solution to this is to never go a day without it.
The problem is I want to be a person who can fast. I had a very hard time fasting and I have been very convicted about this, so I thought what is one huge thing that keeps me from fasting? Coffee. I can't stand having head aches. I don't get them often so I have no tolerance. When I skip meals I often get a little head ache and no coffee to that and my life is basically over. That is why I am breaking up with coffee. We have been best friends for a very long time, but it is time to say goodbye. We can hang out once in awhile, but not daily. You have been lovely, but it must end. And so day number 1 with no coffee begins.

Money...ugh

I am not a huge fan of money. Money is something I always need and is the main area I struggle to trust in. I have never really lacked anything and God has always provided, but for some reason I still have a hard time. When I decided to come to Missouri, I knew that God would have to provide the money. I knew that I wanted to be debt free and not in place of constant fret while here. I began to pray and at moments I was full of faith, in others I was full of worry. In March I was able to pay my car off and get out of debt, this was huge for me and a sign that God was working everything out. I worked every hour that I could work and I continued to pray about God giving me the money for the three months I would be gone.
Two weeks before leaving I was $1000.00 short of what I needed. I went to work that day to give my boss the money I had made by selling stuff for her, hoping she would give me half, she did. In one afternoon I went from being $1000.00 to $200.00 short, plus travel money. Well, I just kept getting blessed at work. I received two large bonuses within days and I had all the savings I needed. Three days before I left God used two separate couples in my church to provide the travel money I needed. I cried the entire way home that night. I knew this was a sign to me that God wanted me to go and that He would always provide for me. I learned through all of this that if I trust God and submit to walking in faith He will see me through. I just need to keep His faithfulness in front of me instead of fear.
As I look at going home I have a very different outlook. I need about $650.00, to ship my car, and I know that is a small number to God. He has been so faithful why would I ever want to doubt him? I encourage you to look at all the moments God has provided for you, keep them in front of you and always be thankful.

The bugs are back in town

I woke up when I was suppose to be leaving the house this morning, which happens more often than it should, so I was in a mad rush to get ready. I take a quick shower, hop out and am about to brush my teeth when I see it...a bug of DOOM. I try to remind myself that this bug will not hurt me and go to get dressed. After a minute of two I head back to the bathroom to put makeup on and do my hair when I see the biggest nastiest bug of all time. We are taking horror flick kind of bug. This sucker is huge! I jump back a little, my heart is beating and I run and grab the broom (see previous bug blog). I start my sneaky approach, hit the broom down and it LEAPS at me. I freak out, run away and than whack at it again and again it leaps at me. Now it is out of the bathroom, so I figure it is best to finish up. With one eye on the bug and one on the task at hand I spot another bug. This one it sitting by the sink and I leave it, figuring it is best to not start another war I don't have time to finish. Only now I am standing about 6 feet away from the sink trying to get ready (very difficult). I put my makeup on and it the mirror I see another bug in the shower. I am freaking out now and I run out of the bathroom, refusing to ever enter it again. I climb over my bed, because of the first bug I do not want to touch the floor, and grab my bag and off I go. I give the place over to the bugs. These giant, leaping, man eating bugs can have the place.... I come home later and they are spraying for bugs in my room, I am so grateful. In my mind I think, "You may have one this morning, but who's laughing now."

I miss my mom

I am sitting downstairs of my house(in Missouri) and someone is playing the piano upstairs. They are playing old old songs I grew up hearing in church. Songs that I would listen to my dad sing over and over. It makes me think of how truly blessed I am. My parents have given me so much spiritual heritage, so much love and have never turned there backs on me.
As a child I had a wonderful mom who taught me how to pray and love the word of God. I had a dad who taught me how to worship with your whole heart and that its to not be perfect. As an adult I have two parents I could go to for anything and about anything. They support me as I find my own way with God and what His plans are for me. They encourage me to seek HIS very best at all times and to never settle. They have even at times watched me fall on my face, but they let me know it would be ok and I would come out on top.
Yes, my parents are flawed. They, like all parents, made mistakes while raising us. I am sure they have list of "if I could do this over..." But God used them despite the flaws to raise my sisters and I to love God, to love His word, and to live always for Him. For that I am very grateful.
So mom and dad...thanks... I love you
Katie Marie