My life in perspective

2012 has been a whirlwind. This year I knew was going to be full or change. I could feel it when the clock struck midnight. Something new was coming my way. I really believed that is would be a year that God came through for me. A year where the desires of my heart were seen and met. I was full of faith. The the shaking started. Everything I thought I knew, everything I believe was happening, every direction my life was aimed came crumbling down. How is it that I have faith one minute and the next I feel the need to grab onto anything or I may completely crumble? My answer:I don't know.
Life has dealt me some pretty intense cards this year. I have handle some moments with grace and completely lost control in others. I have had weeks of spiritual breakthrough and weeks where the thought of talking to God makes me cry. I have struggled so much with the "WHY" and the "WHAT IF". I have felt abandon and unseen. I mean if God loves me and has something great in store for me why would it not be happening? Or maybe all that is happening is merely the road to get to breakthrough and answers.
I often pray the God would guide me and keep me. I pray that I would live where he wants me to live, marry who he wants me to marry and be who he created me to be. I mean these prayers but when they are answered I freak out and question where the Lord is. What I am beginning to see is the answer to my prayers are not easy. Sometimes it involves tears and feeling left alone, but I see now that He is hearing me and simply closing the wrong doors so I will walk through the right ones. He is reminding me that He has been here all along I just have to look up and see Him. I understand that 2012 is my year, but to start off we must eliminate all the junk that is not for me.
If you are discouraged like I have been take a moment and reflect on what you've prayed for. Maybe He is not giving you the answer you want, but I bet it is the answer you need.

So I went on a fast...

So I went on a fast asking for change. I wasn't even sure what I wanted. All I knew is that Gos was stirring something up. I had a friend call and say lets fast, so I did. Well, I went on a fast and something changed! I realized that I wanted God more than I wanted my own desires. I came to the conclusion that God was opening the door for different housing and it was time to walk through that. I now understand that I am called to be a friend who loves above all else, but I am never to settle in how I am treated or what I desire in relationships. I learned that my heart is getting stronger in the Lord. I went on a fast and watched doors open for another ministry trip, Cyprus and Israel in March! So, I went on a fast and everything changed and the fast isn't over! I now see that prayer and fasting does change everything.

2012

I began last year in a very different place. I was wondering and pretty lost. I just had no clue what God was doing and why. As 2011 progressed I began to see that it was a year of moving forward and trusting God. It was challenging in every way, but the most rewarding time of my life. I feel that this was the year my destiny in Christ became a reality I am walking out. I was able to see how much Gods love and changed me and made me strong. I found a voice where there had been none. I became me again in 2011. So what about 2012?? I am not sure yet, but in my heart I am believing for a year of promises fulfilled. All I know is it is going to be good.

Nothing Else Will Do

The roller coaster has continued in my life. I face the glaring reality that my life is a mystery every single day. I have come to realize that my identity cannot be found in today or tomorrow, but in serving Christ. I am not sure why the simplest truths take the longest to learn, but I know now more than ever that my peace, my worth, my true identity can only be found in God. The more I seek to figure things out on my own or find fulfillment on my own the more miserable I become. The more I give in to God and His love the more I become true to who I am created to be. As His love transforms me daily I see that peace comes in knowing Him, not in knowing what tomorrow brings. Dreams are fulfilled in trusting Him, not in pushing for my own way. So in my seemingly long season of waiting I am giving up. I am giving up trying to figure any of it out. I am going to focus on one thing, falling on love with Christ. If knowing Him is truly what it is all about than I do not want my eyes on anything else. He knows my heart, my desires and His promises to me. He will make it happen, He will hasten the day. I am making a choice to rest in that and know Him more. In the end nothing else will do.

Seeking God.

What do you do when you know what God has for you and yet do not see it come to pass?? I have fasted, prayed, cried, begged, thanked, spoken in faith, taken communion, and cried some more. Now what? I know God hears me(sometimes it is hard to believe) and I know that He has the best in store for my life(sometimes a stretch too) but His timing MAKES NO SENSE! So now what?
My answer is trust, let go and wait some more. I am learning that I have no clue why things are the way they are. Why life seems to just open for one person while another has to fight at every turn. I do not know why Gods plan for me is what it is, but I must cling to that fact that it is good. I am proclaiming things that I do not see, I am standing when all I want to do is run and hide, I am giving God everything and expecting Him to move. I am sure that soon I will see a break through, but man this is tough.

Gems

It has been awhile. It seems as though I have had a season of silence. Many questions have risen in my heart, but some much needed clarity has been given too. As I type this blog I am just beginning to understand what God is doing in my life. I live a seemly normal life. I do not have much when you look at me. I work a normal job and I live Ina normal house. I am not rich, but I don't go without. What people don't see is my heart. My passion to please God and live fully in His will. People who know me know I constantly fight to figure out what God could possibly have in store for me. Today I can see clearly. I know just what God is doing in me. He is chipping away at me. What do I mean??? I am seemly normal but inside me is a gem of beauty. A gem that reflects the beauty of God. He is chipping away the ugly parts and even though I am a flawed gem He calls me lovely and calls me His. My life is normal but God is reflected in me. That is who I am. It is not easy when God is at work, sometimes it hurts but I know it is good and I would not trade it.

Mexico and Back

It was a month ago when Jody (bro in law) called me and asked if I would consider going with a team to Mexico. He had just been feeling like this might be something God wanted for me to do. Within a week I had the time off, a prophetic word about going and two supporters! Crazy miracles were happening!! So off to Mexico!!
I was in Juarez, Mexico with a team of 8 people for 5 days. I went in knowing only my bro Jody and a guy I had known as a kid, but not seen in nearly a decade. I was nervous to say the least, but with in five minutes of meeting everyone we were a team, a family. We built, prayed, preached, played and had a great time. I have so much to say about Mexico, but not the words at this time. Soon though:)
To all who supported me in prayer and finacially THANK YOU!!! God is doing great things!